Crazy Friends

 

 I'm going to a convention this coming weekend. (well, I'm leaving Thursday night to beat traffic)

To my surprise, the Malf is going. He'd texted me a couple weeks back and said he was probably going to catch a ride with me. I figured, he's got plenty of time to cancel so I'm sure he will. 

But he's definitely in. The strange part is the text I got the other night from him:

"What the hell are we gonna do in a hotel for three days?"

I respond, "Drink, bang hookers, do coke, murder a few people. I mean, that's where my plans start."

He says, "Had the crazy ambitious thought of us shooting an impromptu horror movie(at the convention)."

I'm thinking Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? 

He's like, "We could have a gazillion author cameos." Says he has a loose storyline. Wants to hand out index cards to people telling them what to do in their scene. Says he knows someone coming who could be the "actress" in it.

I'm torn. I'm always up for creative stuff, but a huge part of me was hoping this was just a vacation. Relax, nothing to do but hang and chat with people. Now I may be forced to take a lot of equipment to this because I don't think Malfi understands just what you(or me, at least) require to make a movie.

I'm going to call him today to see if he reconsidered, or if he really wants to do it. My other fear is that people there will think we're hijacking their convention for this movie. 

The weekend is going to be interesting, that's for sure.

--

Working on taxes. What a fucking waste of time it is--HOURS every year to do this horseshit because the govt keeps it so convoluted.

Only upside is that it appears to be the first time in like 20 years that I will be getting a small refund, rather than owing money. My wife has finally gotten on the "let's take out enough taxes so we don't owe", and I've been paying so much at my job that even the royalty/freelance money I got tax-free didn't knock me into owing. (it also helps that I bought a new camera this past year and some other stuff that were deductions)

I'm not quite done, so I can't 100% call it as not-owing, but it's looking good so far.

 

UnHappy

 

You know what I wonder? What happens to a person having a mental breakdown whose mental faculties are too strong to actually breakdown?

Maybe that's me right now. For a while now I've been supremely unhappy, pretty much all the time. I can't exactly put the whys straight in my head--or maybe I can, I don't know--but much of it is the unhappiness of getting old.

I don't like that my physical body is going bad at an alarming rate. Teeth, hair, knees. 

I don't like that my friends have gotten older too. Not specifically the oldness, but the fact that nobody that used to be into making schlocky horror movies is into it much any more. See, I muscled through HH and FOC because Rick was there not only as my lead actor but someone I could bounce ideas off of and absorb his enthusiasm for what we were doing.

We were both excited about it. We probably both of us never thought it would go anywhere, but it didn't stop us from trying. 

I muscled through FOC2 because some others like Frank and Zig and Jared showed up with their enthusiasm, and I had returning cast/crew from the first FOC.

I muscled through Bounty because of some of the same people, plus the Proctor, brought their enthusiasm, and at that point I was probably challenging myself to do something so patently stupid that I thought it would show my mighty hubris if I could get it done. (running through the streets of B'more with no permits, firing blank replicas and staging car accidents, etc)

I muscled through GOH because Luke was there as a co-creator and producer. He brought enthusiasm and money and creativity.

I muscled through Ttory1 because I had an itch to do something after a long break, and it was small pieces at a time rather than a long, protracted production. Mark and Dan brought enthusiasm to the project, and honestly, after I finished the first segment that I'd shot(SM Jack), I was pretty happy with it.

I muscled through Ttory 2 because of the success of the first one, and the fact that I had a story I wanted to tell pretty badly.

And here we are. I have a story I want to tell--the final part of the trilogy--but I don't have much else. No one is enthusiastic about going out and doing it. I mean, sure, people TALK enthusiastically about it, but these are the same people who talked enthusiastically about T2 but had a problem showing up when work needed to be done.

And actors are enthusiastic, but they always are. That doesn't really help my morale at all. 

So all of this leads me to this rabbit hole that has me questioning what's the future? Do I just keep working where I'm working, building up some money, while ignoring the fact that I'm unhappy in general? It's not job-specific, but the job doesn't exactly help.

So day by day I'm unhappy(and I've left out some other more personal issues) and I think some days if my will was breakable, I'd have had a mental breakdown. But since I doubt that can happen, I wonder if my mind is pushing this anxiety to my body, which might be manifesting in physical issues. (this was actually the crux of the book I read a long time ago, the book that cured my back problems simply by reading it. No exercise involved.)

I dunno. I got no answers. I'm putting stuff down here just as a way of maybe getting it out, maybe it'll help my subconscious sort it out, if there's something to sort out.

----

Remember I'd asked JB about doing a commentary for HH? Well, his rep finally got back to me with a number. It's...not an insignificant amount of money. Frankly, if I didn't have this job, it would be an immediate No-Way-In-Hell.

So I'm contemplating it though. It would be amazing to hear JB do it. Would I ever make that money back? I have no idea. 

Mulling it over.

 

 

 

Well, that was something...

 

 

That was a rough fucking two days.

SOOOOOOOO achy. So weak and tired. Honestly, if it hadn't been the end of the time period at work and I'd already signed my time sheet, I would have taken PTO and gone to bed on Tuesday.

Wednesday wasn't much better. No puking, but still felt bloated and achy and tired. I muscled through the day but the second I logged off, I lay down on the couch and was out. I slept until 8:30pm, which is a stupid thing to do(I found out later).

I felt a little better--the stomach wasn't so bloated. I was hungry but nothing sounded good other than a Slurpee. At this point I've literally eaten nothing in 36 hours other than a pack of peanut butter crackers. I run out and somehow decide a fish sandwich from McDonalds is okay, then a Slurpee.

Had that and was okay, but then I spent the rest of the night attempting to go back to sleep. Ended up getting two hours of sleep, so I'm pretty tired right now.

The funny thing is, I lost 6 pounds in that 2 days of involuntarily fasting, so that was cool. I think I'm gonna really punch into the diet now, as I'm 207. Striking distance to 200 pounds, which is a nice spot for me to be at.

----

Finally sent out my Halloween story to Stewie and he gave me some good notes. I changed some stuff and sent it to Zig and Malf. Oddly, Malf called me like an hour later to see if I wanted to talk about it as he read it right away. Very un-Malf of him.

Seemed to like it, but had notes. His notes involve some serious changes, so it's that weird place you're at as a writer where you're pretty happy with what you have and need to decide if you really can make it better, or if you're gonna fuck it up in the pursuit of better.

I'll prolly try a new version with some of his tweaks and see if it works.

---

Started watching a show called From. It's on Epix. It's by some of the creators of Lost, and I'd heard it was good. 

Well, I'm only two episodes in, and I'll say I'm intrigued. It's got a Salem's Lot/ I Am Legend(book) / Wayward Pines vibe to it, and doesn't shy away from some cool gore. Check it out if you get a chance.

 

Puking Is Fun

 

 Woke up today feeling fine. Had a good night, which I'll tell ya about in a second. Weird part is, had my normal breakfast of orange juice and some peanut butter crackers.

About an hour later my stomach starts feeling weird. I feel bloated and nauseous. I go to the bathroom, but that doesn't seem to fix much.

Another couple of hours and I'm like...Do I have to puke? I haven't puked in years.

I hit the bathroom and it's like Yep, I have to puke. Badly, and over and over again. Not fun.

No idea what's going on, but I'm also on the clock. I don't want to use PTO, so I'm still getting some stuff done but not as much as usual.

Funny part about work--more HUGE news came down the pike. That other company who's basically the lead on this project--yes, the company I complain about all the time because their people are idiots for the most part--they're not getting brought back to the next contract.

Lot of panicking, but it appears that our company IS staying on. Weird, just when you think the govt is a dumpster fire with no idea what's going on, they surprise you by being a dumpster fire that might actually recognize which companies are doing decent work versus garbage work.

--

Let's rewind a bit and get all TMI.

Sunday rolled around, and there was still no mark on the calendar for March 14th. For those that don't know, that day is, check this out:

https://www.yourtango.com/2013177546/steak-bj-day

Well, last two years there hasn't been one of these for various reasons. (mostly the wife's health issues)

Monday rolls around and I get an unexpected message from the wife--"Want to go out for a steak dinner since it's a holiday?"

I'm like, Hell yeah. We got out to our favorite steak joint, and it was very good, as usual. Man, I go through that filet mignon like crazy.

We came back and watched some TV, then I put the kid downstairs to watch some stuff  he can't see anywhere but my TV, and let's just say it was a great March 14th.

---

One of my sisters came to town, so we had dinner at the parents house on Sunday. Was cool to see her, as we don't see them too often. They always give me shit about never coming to Wisconsin to visit them, but in my defense, what the fuck is in Wisconsin? 

Not 7-11s, I can tell you that.

 

 

The Hits Keep Coming

 

Man, there are some days it feels like life really isn't worth living.

You might remember that we now have a super cool dog. Got her for the wife almost exactly two years ago(which is how old she is). We found out early that she had some sort of kidney disease, so we've been buying her expensive food specifically for that, as well as taking her to the vet for various treatments.

Kidney disease in dogs in not curable. You read about it and it sucks, and will cut a few years off of a dog's life typically.

Anyway, our dog's been eating weird. Some days, not hungry, other days very hungry.

Wife took her to her monthly visit to the vet and they came home. The dog was looking pretty listless. The wife says "We did not have a good visit to the vet today."

And what she said next kinda shook me, not only because of the news, but because of how my wife said it. She said, "The kidney disease has gotten bad...they gave her subcutaneous fluids today, and we'll have to do it 3 times a week now...but she said Luna(our dog) probably only has another year to live."

So that fucking new sucks, but my wife said it pretty matter-of-factly. She didn't look like she'd been crying. She was clearly sad, but this is the kind of news that normally puts her into tears. She loves this dog as much as I do.

I have no idea what's going on with her, whether she's in some sort of state of denial...that she can't take the prospect of having another dog of ours die so soon after the last. I can tell you that the prospect of watching this awesome dog waste away as we ponder when we'll have to finally put her down...it's brutal, man. 

Life just won't stop using us as punching bags, man.

--

More frustration: The internet keeps going in and out, so I call C-cast and talk to a rep who goes through the motions. He thinks he's fixed it, and I can't prove him wrong--it was going out very erratically at least once every five minutes.

Now it's not. The guy's like "I personally guarantee it's fixed", and I'm thinking..."How are you guaranteeing it?"

A half hour later, it's back out. I get back on the phone with C-cast but then figure, fuck this, I'm just going to order my own modem. We'll see if it's that.

Got the modem the next morning and set it up. Things seem to be working well now, so was it the modem, or just some temporary problem? Don't know but at least it's--fingers crossed--over now.

---

Work. Is. Sucking.

For the first time I'm contemplating whether I'm going to stay much longer. Money's still fine, but they're changing a ton of shit, and the new lead on my team isn't my favorite. They're also asking us to do more stuff--NON-tester stuff.

I didn't sign on to be something else, especially something else we haven't been trained to do. Also, the other job pays more, so if I'm going to have to do their job, I should get paid for it. 

Since the organization(and the organization that hired my company) overhauled everything, there's this palpable sense of disarray. For the first time we seem very disorganized and sort of directionless. I know they're trying to figure it all out, but it's just more frustration in my life that I don't need right now.

 

 

Seventeen Years

 

Yes, that's how many years I've been keeping this blog. It's mind blowing, I know.

What did I do this weekend? Glad you asked. Well, I almost burned down the neighborhood.

Remember that disaster which is the area behind my backyard? It's this cut-through area I had a blog about--you can refresh your memory with this blog entry:

https://maykillyou.blogspot.com/2021/03/did-i-tell-you-about-backyard.html

Anyway, as I mentioned a while back, I wanted to go back and clean that again but this time, I'm salting the ground in hopes of killing anything that will try to grow back there.

As I've seen before, you can kill all that shit, but somehow it all grows back in summer--which is crazy that in the span of about a month you can go from flat earth to plants six feet tall and vines and prickers all over the fence.

I asked my brother to come over and help me clear out what was there. My plan was to chop and pull everything there, and burn it all in the firepit my wife likes to use. We'd have to be continually burning it, as it's way too much to go in all at once, but I figure it's manageable.

Weather's nice, but it's a bit windy on Saturday. I start pulling shit and try to burn it, but even with dry leaves, the wind tends to blow the flames out before the sticks can get started burning. I'm like, I have to find something to get this started. I see some tiki torch oil and pour a little in.

The fire starts burning. Good deal. My brother is chopping and raking while I gather shit and put it in the fire pit.

I go to get something from my porch, and when I come out, the fire has somehow gotten out of the firepit and into the grass, and it's expanding outward in a circle. My brother hasn't seen it yet, but I yell, and then shit goes crazy.

I try to stomp it out. It sort of works for a second, but by the time I move to the next spot and stomp it out, the grass that I'd put out has started up again. The fire move in all directions--it's already in my neighbor's yard.

I try to grab the hose. It's fucking tangled around the pole so bad I can't get it off and the fire is MOVING FAST. I go grab a bucket and fill it with water and run that out, but it does hardly anything. I remember we have an old fire extinguisher on the porch--like, 15 years old, but fuck it--I try it---

It's secured with a plastic strap I can't break--goddamn it--I finally manage to, I pull the pin, and squirt it--it works, it puts out some of the fire but this thing only lasts about 30 seconds and is out.

I put some of the fire out but it's still going. My brother has been trying to work on the hose. He lifts the whole thing off the pole and tries to unwind it, but it's still tangled. He gets it out about 15 feet and manages to lightly sprinkle some water on it.

I go and work on it some more, at least holding the tangled sections open so it's not pinching off the water supply.

Smoke is everywhere and I'm just waiting for the sound of fire truck alarms coming.

The most insane part is that my neighbors never called the fire department. We managed to stop it after the longest ten minutes of my life.

And then...I felt really bad. Like...my heart wouldn't stop racing for the next 20 minutes, even though I sat down. I felt queasy and honestly thought I might be having a heart attack. When I didn't die, I chalked it up to adrenaline dump.

Went back to work. Instead of burning, we piled all the shit into a recycling bin and I dumped it at my front fence. We'll either burn it later or take it to the dump. It took about 30 loads of dumpingg.

Here's what the final cut out looks like right now:

I mean, that's sweet. I can't remember it ever looking this clear. The big issue is how to keep it that clear, because once the shit starts growing, it's just impossible to stop. I've tried a number of different plant/weed killers.

This is what my driveway looks like now. I covered the stuff so it wouldn't blow away or all over the yard.

Here's a not great picture of the burn areas. You can't really get a good idea of the scope of this because it's a fisheye shot in order to get it all in. I gotta go apologize to my neighbors for burning some of their yard. They're the cool neighbors, so I don't think it'll be a big deal.

The black areas are all burned grass where the fire was raging. The other crazy part is that the neighbors directly behind me were out working the entire time in their backyard. I saw them watching, but they never called the fire department, even though this fire got within about 5 feet of their wooden fence.

Took my brother out to dinner, and then we went over Luke's for the UFC fight--something we haven't done in years. Had a good time.

Next day I woke up and I'm super sore, like in weird places. Fuck, how many ways can I say that getting old sucks the big wazoo?

--

 Got a nice PM to the Ttory FB page:

i loved loved loved these movies and I have been looking online for a map. the map. which I would like a copy/print of. any suggestions

I tell her I can email her the graphic if she wants to print it out. She replied:

Thanks so much I just love your movies even fear of cl0wns. This is a huge deal for me. I can't even believe you answered. Having a fan girl moment sorry. I appreciate you getting me a map to print. I promise I will cherish it forever and ever

I laugh inside about the "even foc" and reply with the map I pulled from another hard drive: "Hey, no problem I appreciate the support from the fans more than you can imagine. Enjoy the map--if we ever do a part 3(which I'm almost done the script on), there will be some more all-new monsters added to the map. (I've already added them to the new map, but that won't be released unless we more forward on it)

 She gets back to me right away: "I hope you make the third one. I am very excited to hear about you working on it. If you should make it would it be possible to get that map too. I got my printer going now. I can't thank you enough for sending it. And I can cross this off my bucket list. I will keep my ears open for the next movie. I'm going to frame it and hang it on my wall."

 So that's nice. Like I've said before, it's great when someone connects with your flick--we all know that MOST people won't, because no-budget flicks aren't typically that appreciated. 

Will 3 happen? No idea, but I can tell you I've done almost NOTHING to move forward with that first segment. I'm not feeling overly motivated, but I do continue to work on the script for the wraparound.

 

 

 

 

 

Hoo Boy

 

 Even more bombs got dropped at work this week. Apparently they're changing how we do EVERYTHING, including mixing up teams and putting them on other stuff. Everybody's on edge because of the great unknown.

They're even changing our style--we use what's called Agile, where we work in short sprints to get a bunch of functioning parts so we can show them, and then we find out whether we're doing what the clients want.

In this way we can quickly change tactics if it turns out the client didn't communicate what they wanted very well, which happens ALL THE TIME.

Now they want us to head toward what's known as the waterfall method, which I guess is called that because it's a terrible idea akin to going over Niagra Falls in a barrel. 

See, the client is CONSTANTLY changing their mind about stuff or deciding that what they told us isn't exactly what they meant, and that's disastrous for waterfall. Waterfall means you plan out the whole thing, then get to work, and when it's all done you demo it. If it's not what the client wanted, you may have to start ENTIRELY OVER.

So this is all fucked. But whatever. At this point, I'm just going to continue doing what I do. It's pretty clear that a lot of these testers are testers by education and not experience, whereas I'm the opposite, and my way wins. These people are book smart but don't seem to be very good at actually catching bugs.

I catch a fuckton of them. 

---

Got tickets for Batman tonight. I found one auditorium that's not very crowded so got tickets. I can't believe how long it is, but hopefully it's good. I hear good things, but I heard good things about the Nolan Batman movies, and I fucking dislike every one of them to one degree or another.

---

Went to the premiere for that movie I helped produce. It went over well. The director took a lot of my suggestions and it plays better, and he's even going to cut a little more of the walking. 

However, there's some other issues he wants to see if I can help with, and some are pretty tough. I'm trying to work them now. They are: 

1. Remove the script you can see when an actor gets out of the car
2. Add trees into a drone shot where the kids get to the woods, but in reality they were in a separate location with no woods. This is amazingly challenging because I don't have a drone shot with trees in the exact spot I'd need them, and even if I did, I'd have to somehow composite the trees in--yes, every branch and leaf...
3. Color correct some clips that were inexplicably not color corrected. This one is weird, the guy he paid to do it just missed some random clips here and there, which...I'm not even sure how that happens.
4. Some scenes have music playing underneath--not score, but songs--but the audio mixer didn't carve out the frequency so the dialogue would be clear. The singer from the song obscures them, so I'll fix that--at least on the one section I got. I wanted him to send me the whole audio with separate tracks, but he didn't send them to me yet.
   

Those are the main things. I'm also setting up his account so he can get the movie up on all the platforms--he doesn't want to go with his other distributor, who is clearly ripping him off. He got a statement from them for 3 different movies and it's a joke.

So I mocked up his graphics, which wasn't the easiest because his graphics guy didn't give him separated graphics and text. I uploaded that stuff today and started setting it up. 

A lot of work but it'll be good to see him get a more fair share of the money than he's getting from the douchebag distributors he's used in the past.