Saturday, April 25, 2009

Busy Weekend

My sisters are in town. One of them is having a baby, so they're having a shower for her.

Also, they're having a surprise birthday party for my brother's 40th bday.

So today we rush off to the party. At a stop sign there's a guy in the left lane waiting, so I pull into the right lane. A second later, the guy in the left hand lane decides to pull his car right into mine.

I'm astounded. I'm technically a little in front of him, so how he didn't see me is a mystery.

My car door only opens about 5 inches, so I slide out. We exchange stuff. The dent is deep but not too bad, I think.

Then I try to drive. It's okay unless you ever want to make a lefthand turn. If you do that, the bent part of my car scrapes my tires so loudly that people stop and stare.

It's the same side and area the other guy hit me in like a month ago(and I can't tell you how glad I am that I procrastinated getting that fixed!) If I'd had it fixed only to have this guy hit it again...someone would die.

Anyway, at the party I find out my non-pregnant sister is apparently insane. She's into "vertical dancing" now. Most people call it pole dancing. You know, like the strippers do.

She has a pole in her apartment and she does stripper moves on it, but she's fully clothed. See, that's how you know it's "vertical dancing". And she gets all indignant about it. She's even signed a petition to get it into the Olympics.

I know the Olympics has some stupid sports in it(I'm looking at you Curling, but Synchronized Swimming ain't far behind it). But you can't do stripper moves on a stripper pole, and then get all haughty when someone tells you you're pole dancing. It's not like the King and Queen of England used to pole dance, and then the strippers adopted it, forever tarnishing the good name of pole dancers everywhere.

Strippers did it. Now you're doing it. Call it what you want but shove the indignation.

The best part is when she tells me her boyfriend's "not even into it". She knows this because he says he isn't. Yeah, a guy who's not into chicks dancing on stripper poles.

I guess she's dating a gay guy.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


As in Don't Give A Shit.

Re: Earth Day.

Yeah, I know, I'm not very P.C. about it but I'm not going to be one of those hypocritical posers who acts like he cares about the Earth for one day, and then does eff-all about it the rest of the year.

Like Trent Reznor says in his great song Capital G: "Don't give a shit about the temperature in Guatemala. Don't really see what all the fuss is about. Ain't gonna worry about no future generations. I know, I'm sure somebody's gonna figure it out."

And yes, I realize he's saying it to play the asshole--he doesn't really mean it. Well, I do. And yes, I'm that asshole.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


So I been watching Spike's Deadliest Warrior show lately. It's a surprisingly addictive bit of cheesiness where they pit warriors from different timelines against each other, first demonstrating their skills, and then using a computer simulation to determine the winner.

Tonight's episode was Spartan Vs. Ninja. Both super-cool warriors. But I'm old school, man. The ninja is too badass for anybody.

Needless to say, I think their computer simulation is freakin' busted, man. Fix that shit, bitch. That's all I'm saying.

Sunday, April 19, 2009


Been trying to think up a good title for my new flick. We've had a working title for a while.

It's funny--I've never had a big problem with titles before. My first title I borrowed from a book(a non-fiction book so it wasn't a problem) and my second movie's title just came to me.

So I've been batting around names with a buddy but nothing that thrills me yet.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Going Back To Cali, Cali, Cali

Yeah. Not all that excited about it. Gotta go out for a couple of days to get some looping done for the new flick.

The whole flight really puts a damper on it. Getting up early, dealing with the lines, security. Then the boring cramped flight.

Ah well. Really gotta get more time during production so we can not have the audio problems that plague me every time.

So easy to say. Not so easy to accomplish.

Monday, April 13, 2009


I like those Primetime and Dateline hidden camera stings. Last month a buddy called me and asked me to TIVO one of the shows called "What Would You Do?" because an actor he knew was gonna be in it.

The show hired actors to stage incidents, and then they recorded with hidden cameras the reactions of regular people who stumbled onto the incidents.

The first segment they'd hired some actors to play some cult-like folk to play a family who were forcing a fifteen year old girl to marry an old guy. They were in a diner, and they wanted to see whether other people eating would intervene on the girl's behalf.

I watched it, it was mildly entertaining. My buddy comes over to watch to see who his actor buddy played, but we don't see him.

Then we do: It's when the announcer is talking with disbelief about how some of the other diners are doing nothing to help the girl. They cut to one guy and say, "Look at this man--he takes a cell phone picture but does nothing else."

And it's the actor.

This show, purporting to be about hidden camera reactions of real people, is using actors as the real people. Are you kidding me?

I understand that most reality TV is actually scripted to some length, but this is a REPORTING SHOW. And they are making this shit up.

I can't believe it. How do I know they're not hiring actors for their To Catch A Predator show? Man, I am disillusioned...

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Things I Know About Cheating

Compliments of Cheaters: Too Hot For TV

If you are going to cheat on your significant other, do NOT do it at your mutual abode. It is perfectly legal for them to install a hidden camera that will capture you and all your freaky sex habits for the world to see.

And for all your jokes about videotaping your junk("better get out the wide-angle lens!")--you do not want your junk videotaped with a wide-angle lens, because your junk will look TINY.

And on national TV.