Monday, June 23, 2014

What Sexy Is/Was/Will Always Be For Me

So I finally sat down to watch Saturn 3. I don't remember much about the movie other than Farrah Fawcett was in it. I know I saw it a few times back when it was on cable rotation in the days of four cable channels.

I was under the impression the movie was pretty bad. Like campy-bad. After watching it I'd say it's not, not really. It's fairly interesting with good production value and some nice looking space station sets, if very 70's-ish.

And it took me the whole movie to figure out whose voice they'd dubbed over Harvey Keitel's(at first I just thought--maybe that's what Harvey sounded like...)

Anyway, all irrelevant. Because all this movie did, with one quick tit shot of Farrah plus a lot of teasing shots, was remind me of the two women who forever ruined me for women. Sent me looking for specimens as perfect as them.

Exhibit A:

This poster was on my bedroom wall as a kid. It came out in 1976. I mean, it has its own goddam Wikipedia page. So if you ever wonder if a 6 or 7 year old has sexual thoughts, the answer is yes. I can tell you for sure.

PS: This is what she looked like naked, even if it was a few years after you really wanted to see it. But hey, she still looked good.

Then came Bo. I think I first saw her in 10, though I guess there's a chance I saw Orca first(since it came out first). But lemme tell you, the first time I sat up and NOTICED her was in 10. And then...holy shit came Tarzan the Ape Man.

That movie came out...I would have been about 13 before it came out on cable...and that movie wrecked me. Face and body, she had it all and man did she show it off. The joke is how much Keef is in the Tarzan movie? Miles O'Keefe(he played Tarzan), but it really should be how much Bo is in that movie...

For the next 15 years I spent my life looking for this lady in every girl I dated. Probably a reason you see a blonde, big breasted girl in most of the pictures of my ex-girlfriends. got worse. Then came Bolero. Not only was she naked, but she was having soft-core sex. This was pre-internet, so it's going to take you some imagination to figure out just how big a thing this was, but go ahead and give it a try.

So, I mean...I don't really have a point to this post. It was really just an excuse to go look up sexy naked pictures of Bo Derek. Totally worth it, imo.

Did I ever grow out of it? It doesn't appear so. Don't tell my wife.


Also re-watched Living In Oblivion, which I haven't seen in like 10 years. Luke and Nelly had never seen it. They liked it, and it's still a fun movie. It's crazy how much of the film terminology and practices have changed since everything went digital.

I bet you show that movie to a twenty-something film student and they'll be pretty confused about what some of those things are.

We followed it up with 13 Sins, a pretty entertaining low budget movie from Blumhouse. Not sure why it didn't get a theatrical release...I think it was more entertaining than The Purge, and with the same kind of high-concept idea that would be a quick sell.

Anyway, prepping for the convention next weekend. Also went out in the woods to look at a location but I'm probably not going to use it.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Another Week Goes By

I'm working on the script for the short I'm thinking about shooting. Getting closer to 95% sure I'm going to do it. Still not sure EXACTLY how it ends...I think we're going to go out and check out the location.

Mark, the FX guy who's one of the creators of the anthology, has a buddy who owns like 25 acres of land with woods. We can do whatever we want there. Guns, guts, nudity, whatever. It's like 30-45 minutes from me, but since it's only a day or two it shouldn't be a big deal.

The only thing that even partway concerns me is that they're billing the anthology as "an 80's inspired horror anthology". Don't get me wrong--I love the 80's and the horror of the time, but the script I'm writing has definitive modern storytelling techniques in it.

So I'm going to talk to them about exactly what they mean when we go out on Sunday to location scout.


Watched How To Train Your Dragon 1. Hadn't seen it, but my kid loves it and wanted to see the sequel. It's a surprisingly-fun little kids' flick. So then tonight we saw the sequel and it's pretty good too. Nice 3D.

Kid loved it, as expected.


It's like Stand By Me, the real edition.


These are some amazing fucking photos, man.


Lastly, this is a pretty cool looking flick even if it's super-derivative of The Thing. But fuck it, if it's good I don't mind. And it looks like it has awesome practical effects.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Note To Self

Sometimes I wonder when I get the licenses back for my first two films. I can never remember, and then later never remember to look up the contracts.

So I did tonight. Now it will be in my blog so I can find it.

HH's license expires on July 22, 2015 but they have a six month sell-off. So basically, HH is all mine again as of the first day of 2016.

FOC -- wow, I really let them have it for a long time. That doesn't expire until April 27th of 2020, and they too have a sell-off date. Shit, I hope I'm dead before I get this license back.


The new Blus came in. Haven't watched one yet, so I hope it all came out okay. I'm pretty excited to have three of my flicks available on Blu Ray.


So I still don't know if I'm gonna shoot a feature this year. Looks more and more doubtful as we get farther along.

But I sort of let myself get roped into shooting a short for an anthology flick a local guy's doing. He's an FX guy--young and hungry to do stuff. He'd asked me a while back but I didn't think I'd have time. Now he launched his indiegogo to raise a little cash to do his short.

You can see his teaser here, which I thought was pretty cool for a guy who's never shot anything on his own before. I pitched in $100 and became an executive producer by default for it.

So he called me up and asked if I still wasn't interested...and I started thinking.

I had an idea occur to me a while back for a short, but the short could go two ways. I've decided to write both and see which way I like better. I'll shoot it for cheap-as-shit, like probably $500. It's only gonna be like 10 minutes long. We may even try to get it done in one day. (two at most)

Thursday, June 05, 2014

Adoring Fan

Sometimes I get emails. Some are nice. Some are not.

This just arrived via the KK mail form on our web site. It doesn't feel like it's real, but what's the purpose if it's not? There was no links or anything in it...

Message from
Name:  Askhat 
E-Mail:  removed)
Comments:  Hello, dear (my name removed)! How is your mood? Sorry for the 
mistake, I do not speak in English. You are a great film director! I'm your
big fan and loyal. You are very talented people. When I watch your movies, 
you've always admired. I can not describe how much I admire you ... I still
admire the film "(FOC title removed so search engines won't hit this blog)".
Kowtow to you for your creativity and for your talent. You are very
talented people. After graduation, I want to be just a wonderful director
like you. Be well, good luck!
Please send me your autograph. Thank you. YOU ARE THE BEST!

My Adress:
Country: Kazakstan
City: Jarkent
ZIP: 041300


Funny little thing happened today. I came upstairs and heard a sound, like a tinny little TV. I see my kid, who has the ipad in hand, and he says "Nothing!" and runs the other way.

Shit, I think. The kid's found porn on the internet. This'll be fun to try to explain.

I follow him to his room. "Whatcha lookin' at, buddy?" I ask him. "Lemme see."

He reluctantly hands over the ipad. THIS is the video he's watching:

He thinks it's pretty funny when the one eats the other. Not sure why he thought he shouldn't be watching it.

Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Funny Story

So this is probably gonna have pieces of the story that are TMI. Too bad.

Years ago--just looked it up--September of 2009! Holy shit! -- we had the premiere of Bounty. Took a limo, as usual. Had a good time.

I was fairly drunk by the time we came home. I left one of my "dress hats" in the limo. It's a Slither baseball cap I wear when I get dressed up. I only had two at that time, but after I lost that one I went on eBay and now I buy every one that comes up.

Not just cuz I like the movie--the hat just fits perfect. Hard to find them.

Anyway, the next day I woke up and realized I couldn't find my prescription glasses I wore to the premiere. They were the special kind that darken in sunlight.

My usual glasses had the sunglasses clip-on, which was fine, but then they got scratched. So I went on a bender afterward to try to find the glasses I lost. I fucking searched EVERYWHERE. I tore my house apart looking for those goddamn thing.

Couldn't find them. I had to assume that I, for some reason, left them in the limo even though I don't typically walk around without glasses, because I'm pretty blind. But hey, I was drunk.

So last night my wife's like "I'm gonna jump in the shower", which is code for "if you want some action, you best come upstairs". If she doesn't want action, she doesn't tell me she's taking a shower. This is secret marriage stuff, for those of you not married.

I go upstairs, change into some comfortable clothes. And here's the thing--there's a compartment at the head of the bed with assorted stuff. You know, flavored gels and other fun sex knickknacks. (Also a stun gun, but that's neither here nor there.)

Now typically we don't look in there. We just reach in and grab something if we need it, feeling around in the dark until we got what we're looking for.

Well I reached in with the light on--and got a handful of greasy stuff. A bottle of lubricant had leaked everywhere. So I grabbed a towel and started pulling everything out, drying them and looking for the leaking bottle.

And you know what the fuck was in this compartment? Yes, I bet you do. Those fucking glasses!

Apparently the night of the premiere was an Action night, and I must have pulled my glasses off and tossed them there and completely forgotten.

Now five years later the glasses have returned. Crazy.

To keep the Bounty thing going, the Blu Rays are almost done. This is the strict run of 100 I'll have at the show I'm doing at the end of this month.

I was gonna make them $20, but I've changed my mind--there's only 100 of them so they're going to be $25. This way I can get John, the producer, some of his money back. He apparently now has diverticulitis and could use some money--has to get an operation.

Then I can send Tom a little cash, and keep a small bit for myself too.

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Forcing Change

So remember how I said I was gonna change--force myself to take some time, turn the goddam TV off for at least an hour, and WORK?

I am failing.

I seem to always have an excuse of shit I gotta do--I'm still doing VFX for that buddy, and there's no reason to not have the TV on while I'm doing that.

Then, Game Of Thrones seems to keep getting better so everybody and their mother is trying to post spoilers. I had saved up six of them because I just wanted to watch the whole season back to back to back, but finally started watching. And man, this is probably the best season so far.

And the excuses just go on and on.

I did manage to turn it off for nearly an hour last night, and I got a little writing done on the third script I could possibly direct this year. (meaning, if I don't do the Clowns one, and I don't do the vampire one, maybe I could do this one) It is the easiest in terms of locations and FX.

But it's also only about 40 pages done.


GOH Blus have slowed down in sales, predictably.

What is unpredictable is that the VOD went UP. I mean, April was a pretty good month on the VOD front(through Amazon) so I just assumed that was the top and it would level off.

But it went up again, and this time it's completely the buy VODs. (GOH is $9.99 to buy) And this is all without advertising of any kind.

I don't want to jinx it, but a year of these kind of numbers could start turning me into a VOD believer. We'll see what happens next month.

I only wish I knew what was generating the sales--is it the poster? Is it the actress in it who's gotten a little following in the interim?

And why, after all these sales, is there still only 2 reviews? I would just sort of expect a shit-ton of bad reviews, because the haters are always in more of a hurry to post a review but there's still just the two...