Writing On Fire

So I was pretty down the night that I canceled the shoot. I went to sleep and woke up, feeling a little better. But still in that nebulous place where--if I'm not working on creating something--I feel fucking bored.

I sat down at the computer and took a look at some shit I have been working on. I decided to start writing some shit, and here's what I did:

That script I've been adapting of my buddy's--I got about 90 pages in and realized it's gonna run very long. That bummed me out, and other shit came up, but I decided to say fuck it--get it done, and then figure out what needs to get cut.

I've got some Ttory stories that have been in the back of my mind. I should get 'em down, and think about shooting one at the end of winter/beginning of spring. I could finally do that test to find out whether a short can possibly be lucrative at all. Because if it can--I can shoot shorts, put them up individually, and then use that money to shoot the wraparound that finishes off my Ttory storyline completely, and then re-release the whole movie together with those shorts already done.

I've been working on some prose stories. You know what? For SO long I tried to get published back in high school and college, but I wasn't that great a writer yet. Plot-wise, I was very good. Character-wise, fucking terrible.

I've decided I'm gonna try to get published in an anthology this year.

With all these in mind, I started writing the next night after the cancellation, and I'm not sure I've ever written so much in a short period of time.

I'm guessing that the buddy's adaptation is going to come in around 140 pages--longer than any script I've ever written. I'm pretty sure I know what needs to be cut, and then I just have to decide if I want to do an all-new version that adds some of "me" to it. Part of me doesn't want to, part of me does.

We'll see.

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Halloween approaches quickly, again. I never get to watch as much stuff as I'd like to.

My buddy asked if I wanted to go to a Stranger Things party some bar is holding on Saturday, so we may both go to that with the wives. Personally I'd rather hit the pumpkin trail out by Zig's, but since we didn't do any partying last Halloween, I sort of owe the wife.

And hey--tonight is Joe Bob's new thing, so that'll be great. Always a great time. I smile like a fucking idiot watching him on TV. It's a rare thing.

Nope

Well...I'll just go ahead and paste the blog entry I created for that private blog that I was going to eventually use as a perk for that crowd sourcing this. But on this blog, I'll put some hot Wednesday Adamms cosplay to make it seem SO much better.

I've been putting out a lot of fires on this thing. I've managed to cast every part other than a couple small parts that I know I can find someone for.

My current big worries before today were finding a bar for one scene, and figuring out how to make the FX work, since I'm sort of piece-mealing them through different people.

So Monday, we went out to the asylum for last looks and to do some tests. I took Matt, who was going to play our monster on day 1, production manager Ziegler, and my brother Mike.

I wanted to see if anything had changed on the inside or outside of the buildings, and to pick specific rooms for certain scenes. I was going to put Matt in the costume and shoot some stills, plus mess around with the camera and gimbal and see just what problems I might run into.

Well, the parking lot where we normally parked is gone. We knew this, but I thought we could use the road just outside of the asylum to park. But as soon as we pulled onto the road, Matt said "I think there's some cops down there on the road standing outside their vehicle..."

I pull over near where we walk through the woods to get to the asylum, and immediately a truck heads our way. Matt says "Oh yeah, this guy has a security shirt on..."

Guy gets out and comes over. "What you guys doing?"

So I'm honest. I say "We're going to the asylum to shoot some pictures."

"Can't do that," he says, so I play dumb and say "Why not?"

"You're not allowed."

I'm like, "We can't just go in and take some pictures of the creepy places?"

He says, "Nope. If we see you, we have to stop you."

I smile nicely and say, "Then why'd you have to see us?"

He smirks, seems like a nice guy. Says, "Tell you what...today I didn't see you. But don't come back."

Then he drives off. I'm like...sweet. But this is going to be a problem trying to bring 6-10 people back each day. We can't park a bunch of cars there. So it means that we'd have to drive in, unload people and equipment without anybody seeing, head back out and pick up more people, bring them back, then park the car and slide in again without anybody seeing.

I'm getting leery.

Anyway, we go to the asylum and do many of the tests. Some are very cool.  Some work out. Others mean I have to change some stuff.

We get out after a few hours and eat. But my brother Mike tells me he talked to somebody who used to hang out a lot at the tunnels--my other big location that I thought we'd have easier access to. I wrote some big FX scenes there to be filmed at night.

This guy tells my brother that the park is closed at night, and they now patrol it. If you park in the lot after dark, they tow you. Park police and county police--not security--go in after people who park on the road.

My two big locations have just fucked me.

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I go home and start brainstorming. I look for other locations that we might have more control over, but I've done this search before. Coming up with nothing near us.

Some decent stuff about an hour and a half away. That's not a crazy bad distance, but you have to consider that we'd be driving that 1.5 hours, then shooting for 10-12 hours, then driving back another 1.5 hours...and then I have to dump and backup all the footage, which could take 2-3 hours.

We have some fairly short turnaround days, which means I might get 4 hours of sleep if we do this. I'm not young enough to keep that pace up any more.

I try to figure out whether we can shoot at the tunnels during the day, even if the scenes take place at night. Inside the tunnels, it's pitch black even during the day.

Problem is that some of these scenes take place outside of the tunnels, and those HAVE to be during the night. We'd still have a full night there, and I don't think we'd have that long to shoot before we got arrested.

I was pretty tired, so I went to sleep to mull it over the next day.

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After agonizing over the decision for hours, I finally had to make the tough call that I haven't had to make in 20 years.

I called the shoot off.

Now, lots of people do this. Most of the filmmakers I know have called off shoots for one reason or the other.

Not me. I tried to get two movies off the ground before HH, and those both got canned due to problems. (one was a location problem)

But since then I've been able to make every movie I've set out to make, mostly through sheer force of will.

So making this call...it's devastating to me. I've done so much work and spent a decent amount of money...and I fucking hate failing, and this feels like failing to me.

I'm not giving it up as a project, but I don't have a definitive date for it. Until we find a location that I can re-work the script to fit, there's not much I can do.

To be brutally honest though, I feel like crying. (and I'm not a crying kind of guy) I can't really pinpoint why this is hitting me so hard. Part of me thinks I'm having some sort of nervous breakdown, except my mind is too strong to actually do that, so that other things in my body are starting to go berserk.

File this under "Why the fuck do we do this?" (part 308 in a 999-part series)

The Train Is Rushing Toward The Cliff...

Eleven days until the shoot. Not a single special effect is done. I have three or four roles not yet cast.

Ahhhhh, the life of the indie filmmaker.

I remember the good old days when all this shit was done weeks ahead of time...when there was way too many actors to choose from...

Anyway, on the good news front, I've replaced the 6'8 actor who ditched on me with another 6'8 actor who was referred by another actress we're using. I've never worked with him, so hopefully he works out...

Am going out to the asylum today to do some last-minute checks. Get some pics and video with the guy who played Smiling Jack in Ttory, who's gonna play the monster on the first day of the shoot for me.

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Watched Shaun of the Dead with the kid. He liked it. Couple of days later we watched Zombieland. Liked that too. Two R-Rated movies in a row.

So tonight we went to his first-ever rated R movie in a theater--the sequel to Zombieland. It was a lot of fun. He enjoyed that too. I forgot to take a picture--I've been taking pictures off and on of us at the movies for years. Wish I'd done it EVERY time.

The ones I do have, I plan on making an animated gif of that goes from young kid to now kid.

It's very surreal looking at him now compared to when he was super young. He just went to his homecoming dance...some girl asked HIM if he wanted to go with her. So my autistic kid is still better with the girls than I ever was in high school.

Kinda sobering.

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Been powering down a lot of horror movies, since I'm not gonna have much time soon. The closer this shoot gets, the worse it'll get.

And today, the crown of my tooth fell off, and I woke up to find our roof is leaking when it rains. Good times.

Book Month

First, let's talk about my book sales on A-zon. They started growing since July, but recently are really taking off. Like, this is my sales from the past 30 days:

Wow, right? That's pretty good considering I do NO advertising about my books. Wanna know the downside though? I've sold 101 books, and A-zon now will pay me the princely sum of $237. Roughly $2.37 a book.

Man...what a racket. I gotta keep reminding myself that it's essentially free money at this point, but a more equitable split would be super.

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I've been pretty much killing myself to get this movie together. All the props. Working on trying to get FX worked out(though there is literally NONE of them done, and we're like 2.5 weeks away from shooting), casting, location scouting.

And then today, a bombshell. The guy playing the main "monster" in the movie is 6'8. When I was considering writing the script, I asked this guy if he'd be interested. I told him we'd be shooting on illegal land. I told him there was no upfront money. He was TOTALLY enthusiastic.

Since then he was all in. As of two weeks ago he'd posted on the private page for cast/crew that:
I like the set, the cast, the crew. Lets do this thing!

Then this morning, completely out of the blue, he sends me this message:
Hey I am going respectfully withdraw as the weird-ling. You guys enjoy yourselfs. My apologies. Nothing personal. Thanks for understanding.

I'm wigging out. I reply right away:
Whaaaaaat? Dude, what's up? I made a freaking costume for you and ordered a mask to your size. What's going on?

Here's where it goes crazy town. He replies:
Too many people setting me up everywhere I go. There was an email that went about me from someone. You received it. I'm tired of it. Lots of subtle emotional bullying from "friends". My apologies. Break all the legs!

I go through ALL my email acccounts. I have no emails from anyone about the guy. I message him back:
 I have no idea what you're talking about as far as emails--I didn't get anything. But what's that go to do with being a part of my flick? Is someone in my cast the person you're being bullied by? 

His reply:
Nothing to discuss. I am just out. My apologies. Please recast someone. I am no longer an actor 

At that point, I'm just fucking livid. This fucking guy can fucking go off and die, and I won't feel bad about it at all. I reply:
Ok, just so you know where I'm coming from--I have spent a fuckton of time on this, with you as the lead creature based on you telling me you were up for it. I paid for a suit to your size, and paid for a mask to your size. And then out of the blue, 2.5 weeks from the shoot, you're mysteriously out. So to be blunt, that's fucking bullshit man. But whatever.

So I'm out my monster, and have to try to replace a 6'8 guy with someone who can fit in this custom costume I had someone create. That's where I am now. I have a couple of okay prospects, but I don't know any of these people. Will they work out? Will they suck?

If I can't replace him for sure by the 22nd, I have to call the whole thing off. That's the day I have to cancel the lens rentals, or eat $400. I'm not eating any more, because I've already spent a decent amount of money on this that I don't have.

Honestly, WHY the fuck do I put myself through this shit? I wish I could be happy doing something else that actually paid money. Where what I created couldn't be stolen by everybody while simultaneously being hated by the vocal masses.

Very, Very Busy

Been moving on everything I have to do for this flick. It's a lot.

Need a shotgun. I'd prefer a tactical one, but we have not much money to spend on one. So I've been going around to all the pawn shops to try to find the perfect cheap shotgun. Failing. But I think I've found one we can borrow for the duration, and it's perfect.

Been casting. That's always a hassle. Been keeping a private blog that I'll give access to any of the crowd funders once I launch that. It's a pretty detailed account of everything right now, along with hints and whatnot for filmmakers on what's worked for me.

Been testing the gimbal I got. It's nice, but it was the smaller version and made some things difficult. I shot this one night. (the first part is with autofocus, which was having a hard time cuz of the dark, and the later part is on manual, fixed focus. )

https://youtu.be/hzFMac2pNAs

That's also 16,000 iso--crazy, cuz it's not that grainy.

So I returned that gimbal and got the better one. It's freaking amazing. Has a follow focus on it that I can manipulate with a wheel on the gimbal. So I can dolly and rack focus. I can tell you though that it gets heavy when you run around holding it all for a while, even though it's light.

I've been spending time each day over the past week going outside and running around with it, experimenting. Getting my arms a little more beefed up and ready.

Still a lot to do. But I'm nearly done double-checking my shooting script, and I think it's doable. There's a couple of days that are going to be very tight, but I'm going to try to be aware of when we're falling behind, and then half-ass(go to a master only) until I catch up.

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Went to a convention this past weekend. Was fun. Luckily had a friend grab me a pass when they got there Saturday morning, because they sold out by the time I got there.

Got to see some people I don't see too often. And then got invited to dinner with my buddy Dom, who manages the Greatest American Hero. (and the GAH was there). Pretty surreal to chat with him. He's a super nice guy. Has some fun stories.

Here's the after-dinner pic. The dinner was pretty mediocre, with a terrible waiter. (took me 20 minutes to get a bottle of beer to me)

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Anyway, I'm realizing that I've ruined another Halloween for myself this year, but can't really be helped. I feel like the older I get, the less chance I'll be shooting any more flicks so I have to strike when I can, and it just happens that October/November usually has great weather for shooting stuff. (not too hot, not too cold)

Will probably snow the week I'm shooting though, given my luck. If it does, I'm still fucking shooting. Neither rain nor snow is going to stop me.