Score

For the first time ever I have won my Yahoo Fantasy Football league. The team, if you'd like to see it, is here:



And the playoff map is here:


Sure, it's a free league with no prize, but it still feels good...

Christmas Decorations

Every year a strange Christmas decoration pops up at my house. This is what it looks like:



I know. It looks like lingerie, right? Specifically, lingerie that I bought my wife years ago.

But every year she digs it out and hangs it up on the outside of the closet because I guess it's a decoration now. She never wears it.

I thought it was funny so I took a picture. She wanted to know what I was doing. I told her I was gonna blog about it.

Well, Christmas night the old decoration became lingerie again. I guess she thought that was gonna stop me from posting this blog.

Think again, honey.

Avatar: The Controversy

To whoever I was talking to about Cameron maybe ripping off Avatar...

Check it out here

Christmas

You know, it's funny how some things really mean Christmas to you. I still collect comic books, but every time I see the issues above I remember one year from Christmas that both of those were in my stocking.

One was a pretty crappy issue--I didn't know it at the time, because at 13 years old any Spidey was great--and the other was a great issue. You can probably guess which one sucks--I'm looking at you, Stilt Man.

But if I remember next year I'll do like my top ten best Christmas presents I ever received. (not counting the BJs because let's face it, you couldn't handle those pictures)

Merry Christmas!
(and a nod to the page I stole one of these images from--man, it brings back some great comic book memories...)
RETRO JUNK

Cool!

When I'm rich and own a big mansion I'm gonna get me one of these. Credit to Rob for passing the link.

http://www.hiddenpassageway.com/

Shovelling snow

We got about 18 inches of snow yesterday. I went out last night and cleared out the truck so I could get out for an emergency slurpee.

And I thought, as I created giant walls of snow around my mailbox: "This would be so much easier if I had one of those big military flame throwers like they had in 'Them'".

Why can't I go down to Lowe's and buy one of those puppies?

Avatar thoughts(non spoiler)

It takes a lot to get me excited to see a new movie. Obviously, a new James Cameron movie is enough.

The previews didn't look great to me. Which was fine--I needed something to lower my expectations.

Anyway, went to the theater--tickets were $14.50 apiece. Apparently this new XD experience is a big thing or something. The theater wasn't that crowded--I expected more people to come out for the midnight showing.

So here it is: The movie's pretty good. Visually amazing but I'm not sure how it'll translate in 2D.

My problems are that it's not the greatest story in the world. It's Dances With Wolves meets Return of the Jedi(the Ewok part).

No memorable lines. Some stupid names. (the mineral they're mining is called unobtainium...seriously). And scantily-clad aliens which will have you scanning to see if they have nipples or not. (they do)

I'd say it's definitely not close to Cameron's best movie, but...

I just hope this gets the monkey off his back so he makes another flick without waiting a decade.

Cool Comic Cover

Gotta note this. It's a variant cover to an X-force issue. And if you don't know what it's an homage to, shame on you.



But go here to see it:
CLICK HERE

This may freak you out

Click here for the freakiness

That Hunting Humans 2

A couple people had asked me whether I had done any more on HH2, the script.

The answer is, not really. I had about 35 pages--only about 25 sequential, then 10 with various conversations, notes, and then the ending.

But here it is with a few more than I last posted. So if you're interested, check it out. It's still early-draft stuff, but you might like it.

http://www.kangaskahnfilms.com/hh2-txt.htm

Funny shirts

I've always liked T-Shirt Hell.com

But here's another site, and shirts are only $10 apiece. Two of my faves:
SALAD - Just toss it bitch.
We're friends and all. But I'd still fuck your sister.

Check 'em out.

Agatha Christie Fucked Me

Okay, I'm probably gonna stray off on tangents here. Hey, it's Thanksgiving--be thankful for tangents.

I used to read a lot. Started when I was like eight years old. Read sci fi and mystery mostly. Got hardcore into Agatha Christie when I was like ten. And I then started writing a lot of mysteries.

Problem is, Christie is like the supreme creator of mysteries. There's a reason Ten Little Indians is one of my favorite books of all time. (and any movie that promises it's Ten Little Indians Meets Whatever will have me in the seat with popcorn and soda in hand).

So if you're gonna try to be emulate a writer at age ten you probably shouldn't try Agatha Christie. I tried--and still try to some extent(mostly unconsciously)--to construct some pretty elaborate mysteries which invariably end with some sort of exposition dump at the end.

Which Christie could totally make work. I fail more often than not.

So I blame her for FOC1. I think that whole convoluted plotline regarding who was really behind the clown came from that need to put that mystery in there.

Anyway, just finished a script for Tom for a flick he wants to make. He thinks he can get 5 mil to shoot it, which would be the most expensive flick I've been involved with to date by about 5 mil(give or take $30K).

It's a straightforward action plot where I tried to Keep It Simple Stupid(the KISS rule you may have heard of). I've got a couple of small details with payoffs, but no exposition dumps. Just fighting, killing, and some characters I really enjoyed writing.

If Tom gets the money I'll probably go to Cambodia to help out on set as First Assistant Director. Should be quite the experience, and the part is pretty phenomenal for Tom(if I do say so myself).

Will let you know. Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving! Off to get some turkey.

Cuckoo!

Ok, I got a "friend" on Facebook. He posted a note about the Philly game. About how McNabb was having a good game. And then, out of nowhere, this guy(who must be a friend of his) started posting this:

Jeff
Transparency One
1 of 3 continuing
An exercise in Thomas Jefferson-inspired “Transparency.” make comment due to personal goal of no more fb posts till the new year. Selecting profiles on sight or whatever; just putting it out there in the practice of Transparency.

The woman I want to make my wife is living with a “boyfriend” in Lewes Delaware beach town USA with a dog. Cheryl is one of the most beautiful, kind, powerful, compassionate, unassuming and inclusive woman I have ever known.

I met her one day and that’s the only day I have ever seen her; working on the film; Invasion in Baltimore on the day we shot the action; running up the side walk through the pedestrians. You can actually see her in the scene and stills on my profile in the shots with John Lamb; Jeremy Northam and I; She’s the blond walking away from camera; can’t miss her in the shots and if you worked on the film that day, you know who she is....

Cheryl’s boyfriend is an arrogant, afraid, he has got the bulging biceps and chest of those guys who put so much value in those parts to spend those hours on them. (no affront to builders; I’ve done it; not his reason though)
I strongly believe; and I wish I didn’t, or couldn’t; this man is a predator; he’s raped every woman/girl he has ever been with; and this is his pathological; life-time way of life.

Cheryl is surely his crowning achievement. It took a lot of practice and rapes to get her. I hold it strong that Cheryl, young, beautiful, lights the world in which she exist, kind and powerful, leader of her peers; Cheryl had been successful in keeping her virtue into her late twenties; her chastity, she was a virgin; in her late twenties.

See this is the rapist strategy; they know if you rape a virgin; she’ll stay. Did you know that. No; I didn’t either. Why would you or I know this. It’s something I have arrived at after al long personal fight for Cheryl about ten months ago when I called her one morning and told her I had written and finalized a list of lifetime accomplishments; my 112 list. Number 1, 2, and 3? Fall in love. Get married. Have children. and that I would get on a train and marry her that day.

2 of 3 exercise in Theory of Transparency continued from 1 of 3
that was about ten months ago. Since then Cheryl has been unable to call or write me. Say what you want about “not interested.” I know she is cut of; incapable of reaching out to anyone. I believe it is referred to as “uncommunicative.”

Her boyfriend has called and e-mailed though; actually why the whole process has kept going. In his first phone message to me; I could hear his amazing fear and cowardice; he was practically begging me to move on down my list and he was sure some of the other women on it were just as good; i had told Cheryl that morning that I had a list and she was number one, i was calling two other women that morning and she shouldn’t feel to special; really the other two calls were just an emotional and mental safety net for me.

There is no list. Cheryl is my partner. There is not list. It’s Cheryl. It is my strongly held belief Cheryl’s “boyfriend” is the blackest or heats villain raped her and has been raping her ever since....

I also believe that Cheryl is for all intents and purposes is unable to leaving this man herself. To help you understand this, especially for the men’s benefit; (I’m guessing some of you ladies will know this full well) I pose a question for you to answer to me; Why did Elizabeth Smart roam the streets of the town she lived in garbed in this ridiculous way; dumpster diving for nine months while this man raped her at his leisure, several-to-many times a day; for nine months? Tell me why she did not just walk off and return to her father and mother and home. Tell me.

I also submit a scene from Ingmar Bergman’s film, “The Virgin Spring.” The rape scene at the end of the film. She; victimized; gets up; takes a few steps away; stops; turns back around, takes a few steps back.

I have to leave this now; thank you for your concern and time in reading. As my process is one of asking questions, and many times answering them myself; I see that Elizabeth Smart is now at Brigham Young; a political activist. I’m going to send this to her as well.

The vision in my head I just formed; Cheryl and Elizabeth will be fast friends; shine bright lights on our world and inspire us all.

I have often thought to find Cheryl’s father; who I think is a police officer; go meet him in person; assemble a group of about 20 of Cheryl’s friends and family; 20 just for show of numbers. One Tuesday afternoon I’ll knock on the door, her father and I will stand and stare at man in chair in kitchen while friends help Cheryl. fifteen minutes; we leave. With Cheryl, and the dog.

I arrived at this step in the fight months ago. I have been running at a full sprint for a year in enterprise to reach and go beyond the most uncommon levels of achievement. When I arrive at the action-taking point of contacting her father and doing a social networking reach out to find friends; when I get to this point; then think of the work I have , am, and will do along with my goals; it always seems like an either-or. I have to walk away.

I’ve told myself to suffer this loss. You suffer this loss Jeff. Suffer this loss. I’ve suffered this loss. Suffer this loss. Because I cannot live my life with situations as they are unless I do this.

Writing an essay; comment (they are one and the same for me now to a friend’s FB post requesting people to share what ignited his or her deepest passion. I wrote about July 4th 1993; a day spent with my then girlfriend which was also particularly powerful memory.

Unpacking this day through the writing process; I found it was Kelly’s (my then girlfriend’s) chastity, virtue, virginity, or rather my becoming aware of it and the vast value of it; instinctually; which was the source of my powerful emotional recall with a particular image from this day. After leaving her father’s fourth-of-July cookout; after having learned Kelly’s father never had been, or would be, a part of Kelly’s life. That I was the only man in Kelly’s life. The image; me and Kelly walking down the street to my ’73 Karman Ghia in late afternoon.

Okay, there's a whole 'nother post after this one, but I'd just like to ask: What the fuck? Seriously.

Official Disconnect

I guess it was inevitable. In every aging person's life there must be a time when you disconnect from what's popular. You outgrow it.

You know how your parents couldn't stand your music? I sometimes wondered at what point music being produced became unlistenable to them.

Because I still like a lot of what's popular as far as music goes. So that disconnect hasn't happened.

More frightening though is this New Moon thing. First, I have never read the books. I can't comment on those.

But I saw that first movie and it is the biggest piece of shit I have seen in a long time. Besides being a rip from the True Blood(the Sookie books, which came out first), it is horribly written, horribly acted, and HORRIBLY directed.

I would have assumed there would be backlash from the book fans. I can only assume now though that the books are also pieces of shit--that the movie is fairly faithful.

Now the new flick breaks box office records. The previews look really bad to me--Hey, great CGI wolves! Except I mean the opposite of great. Oh no, she has to choose between the Vamp and the Werewolf! What a great moral dilemma...

I guess this is officially where I've disconnected with what's popular with the movie crowd.

That Canon

I hear lots of good stuff about the new Canon 7D--a still camera that shoots great-looking video(Hi-Def no less).

And after watching this video, I am sold:


I believe the camera gets delivered to my door by hot Asian dancing girls. That's what I get from this video. I can't tell much about the quality of the camera from this video, but MAN can those girls dance!

More Pieces of Me Die

Nothing here for the masses. Purely historical footnote to myself.

Spent unexpected day at Annapolis Mall with Logan due to complications. Sbarro's pizza even though I wanted to hit Fuddrucker's.

He played in the kid's area. Got him a cherry slushee and all of us cinammon pretzels.

Came home. Questioning decision.

Dying In My Sleep

A couple of weeks ago my wife bought a smoke detector. Didn't realize it was also a carbon monoxide detector.

Today, that bitch started CHIRPING like crazy. A computerized female voice told us that our CARBON MONOXIDE LEVELS ARE HIGH.

We haven't used our heat in a couple of days. We're not burning anything else other than my wife's candle.

So I dunno.

We reset it, left it off for a while, and later I put the batteries back in. Within 5 minutes it begins chirping again.

I don't have any symptoms of CO poisoining(headache, nausea) so I'm thinking it's just bullshit.

But if I go in my sleep, nice knowing ya!

Supernatural

If you haven't been watching this show, you really gotta start. The first season was hit or miss, with the monster-of-the-week stuff, but it got a mythology and a driving storyline, and now it's kicking on all cylinders.

And man is it FUNNY.

Wait'll you see the episode called "The Real Ghostbusters". If you're still on the fence, I know some of you will be excited to find out that Emily Perkins returns for her 2nd episode of the show. You know who you are.

Start now. You won't regret it.

Snakes...why'd it have to be snakes?

Check it here

Don't Do It

A while back I blogged about how I wanted to do a cool Sword & Sorcery movie someday. Like a Conan/Sword & The Sorceror/7th Voyage of Sinbad kind of thing.

And then today comes this:

Don't suck. Just don't do it. You look good. You look fun. You look like everything I want in my sword and sorcery picture, and I don't even mind that I LOVE the original.

Just don't suck.

Important Stuff

I don't want you to get the impression by this blog post that I don't like Reese's Peanut Butter cups. I do.

But when I eat them it just feels like there's a TAD too much peanut butter butter.

I figured out how to make it perfect, courtesy of Halloween.

Take one of those mini Hershey bars your kid gets at Halloween. Break it in half.

Take a regular sized Peanut Butter Cup and put a half of the chocolate bar on top and on bottom, like a Peanut Butter Cup sandwich with chocolate as the bread.

Now it's perfect! Try it. You'll see.

Note to self: Go back on the diet.

Wow, nice pumpkin

Saw this and thought I'd pass it on. Who has this kind of time to carve one of these?

FYI

Not sure if I'll ever update this blog again. But I've been busy otherwise.

Check it out.

The End

Bleak

...

That Anniv Weekend

Yeah, forgot to fill in the rest of what we did. Here it is:

We went out Friday night and had dinner on the beach at a restaurant right next to David Lynch's restaurant. I kinda wanted to go into Lynch's and see if they served ear, but we didn't have time. (pic above is not one I took)

Then we saw an all-guy band named Burnt Sienna. We've seen them before; they play at Dewey all the time. Besides being good and playing good tunes, their crowd of followers is like 90% hot chicks.

There was a guy dancing in a wig and a dress. I don't know why, and I can't explain it.

The next night we went out to dinner and caught a flick. The Perfect Getaway. It's a pretty good little flick with some standout performances. Good characters. Mis-advertised. They told nobody it was written and directed by David Twohy("Pitch Black", "The Arrival").

Then we went home and watched Stepbrothers. It was actually pretty funny. Then I caught a Comedy Central show after the wife passed out.

Also got an offer on FOC2 from a small distributor. It's not a good one so I'll pass.

Finally, got Vacancy 2 on Fearnet. It's not half bad. Surprising given its very low budget, no-name pedigree.

Next day we went into Rehoboth and the wife shopped. That was pretty much it. Low-key fun but it was nice getting some time off from the kid.

A bright spot

I've seen the weekend estimates. That ass Zombie's piece of shit H2 probably isn't even going to finish as one of the top two movies. It was expected to duke it out with FD4 for the top spot.

Looks like it's barely gonna come within 10 million of FD4, and will lose second to that Basterds movie I mentioned before.

Now will someone PLEASE let Zombie continue to do his own flicks, and stop making him bastardize other good movies. (like the one he JUST signed up to do...)

Playing Dirty

Have submitted the new film to a few festivals. Some filmmakers think getting in is simply based on the merits of their film. Totally untrue.

Countless political decisions(the festival director has friends with movies, and THEY'RE getting their movies in) weigh but it mostly comes down to money. Is the fact that your movie is playing there going to bring ticket-buying people to the fest?

So I have decided to play it a little underhanded. I recently sent the festivals who are considering my movie links to the Arrow and Fango news bits that recently showed up promoting my new flick. And I might have mentioned that should my movie get in I will make sure I pass it on to those organizations so they will put up a news announcement about my film playing at the fest.

Dirty pool? Sure. Bordering on bribery? Sure.

Do I care? No.

Spent an entire night working on postcards for the premiere, and scaling the poster to the template size--people want posters at the premiere, so I'm getting them done.

And if this premiere is not a financial success, or at the very least, not a financial disaster like the others...well, there are going to be some heavy occupational changes in my life.

The In-Between

Little thing that occurred to me while writing the new script, which is one of the million things on my plate right now. (not the least of which is: THIS.

It occurred to me that one of the hardest parts of writing a screenplay is the in-between stuff. It's relatively easy to write riveting action and interesting kills, but something's gotta happen after that action, and in-between all of those kills, and because it's not action or kills, and it's probably some sort of exposition, it's gotta be interesting in some way.

And the in-between stuff is always in the way of writing the fun stuff. Two people attack each other and a huge fight ensues. Fun! But after that...? Consequences. Explanation. New plans.

Boring.

Coming up with ways to make it no so boring is pretty difficult. And to top it off you want to make it as short as possible. So make it interesting and short.

No problem!

Chik-tard

I went to Chik-Fillet(yeah, spelled it wrong on purpose). I was wearing a T-shirt I got many Xmases ago that says, "Your parents must be very disappointed."

It's a dig at you, you know? Because your parents are disappointed with how you turned out.

At the counter I order some food and the guy behind the counter--I'll call him Corky, 'cause he seemed like he might be a little special--takes my order.

While I'm waiting for the food he reads my shirt, and smiles at me. "How come?" he asks.

He's got this strange smile on his face. Like, either he really doesn't know why his parents are disappointed in him, or...and this seems more likely given his crazy smile...he thinks I printed this shirt up that day as a personal dig at him, and as soon as I say the words he's coming across the counter like a rabid baboon.

So I just said, "I dunno." Because I didn't want my waffle fries to get cold while I beat up Corky.

I dunno...

Saw Ing. Basterds last night. No spoilers, but let me warn you before you go: Do not believe the advertising. This is not 'tino's version of "The Dirty Dozen" or "Force 10 From Naverone".

This is not a movie about a guy who gets together a gritty band of soldiers to kill Hitler. Frankly, this movie's not even about The Ing. Basterds.

Maybe you'll like it more than I did. I'm beginning to find 'tino very self-indulgent. I'm not sure he does much rewriting. This movie is 2hrs33 minutes long, but should have been 1:45.

Anyway, tonight, saw District 9. Perhaps it was overhyped for me. I wasn't blown away by it. It's got some very cool stuff in it, yeah, but this was not the greatest movie of summer for me.

More and more I wish the internet didn't exist. I think it's ruining everything movie for me.

Splash, Indeed

Check it out here

Weekend Oddity 1

We go to the beach and stay at my father-in-law's place at the beach. He is known as a pack-rat. He has never seen a piece of junk that he hasn't wanted to buy.

He goes to flea markets every weekend and buys whatever junk he sees. He once got me a life-size(read: 5 foot tall) stuffed Bugs Bunny doll. Because as he said, "I thought you said you liked Bugs Bunny!".

I did not say that.

Anyway, at his place this weekend. I'm in the shower and realize I forgot to bring my shampoo. I search the shower and find the shampoos he has available.

I come across this: Maxim Magazine shampoo.

I kid you not. I mean, the magazine had a shampoo? I think the only person who ever bought it was my father-in-law, and he probably bought it from the flea market.

Went Away

Just down to Dewey for the weekend. Have some stuff to share about it later.

But this first: on the way back I heard a commercial. There was a buzzing sound and the announcer asked if you heard that noise alot. He told me it was tenitus. And bunches of people have it.

Good news! There was hope, he said. Coitus could cure you of that ringing!

At least, that's what I heard. If you don't know what coitus is, go look it up. I'll wait.

Anyway, he said it again and I asked my wife what he said. She didn't know what coitus was--well, that word anyway.

Turns out the guy was saying(phonetically) quiet-us, but in the car it sounded like coitus.

I know. I'm juvenile. But I'll take my chuckles where I can.

I know I've been slacking...

Not much to talk about lately. Trying to get this premiere together, but Christ, it's only slightly harder making the actual movie.

Got this in the kkf customer service email:

My name is Mrs Josephine Eli. I was born in USA. presently in China , I am married to Mr. Desmond Eli, director Eli & Wong chemical manufacturing industries China. We were married for many years without a child. He died after a Cardiac Arteries Operation. And Recently, My Doctor told me that I would not last for the next six months due to my cancer problem . Before my husband died last year there is this sum of $6.5M that he deposited with a Private bank here China .Presently this money is still in the Bank here in China. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to any good brother or sister that will utilize this fund the way I am going to instruct herein. I want somebody that will use this fund according to the desire of my late husband to help less privileged people, orphanages, widows , sick peoples in the hospitals with the funds, I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this fund, and I do not want in away where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision to hand you over this Fund.
Write back as soon as possible .

God bless you
Your sister
Mrs. Josephine

So, I mean, things are looking up for me. I'm gonna get 6.5 million bucks. I'm stoked.

On the reality front, another person contacted me about licensing the FOC2 fire footage for their Spike show. Would be non-exclusive, and he says what typically happens is that after it airs, other shows may want to license the clip for their shows. These "Most Daring" and "Destroyed In Seconds" shows are all over the place.

Found out my clown is moving to Brazil. My lead actress is gonna be on a TV show called Holidate this Wednesday. You know, little things not worth blogging about on their own.

People Should Die

Wow, bad couple of days in general. First, the fluff.

I need the people who go to 7-11 and mix their slurpee flavors to all spontaneously die. Why? First: The new slurpee machines suck balls as it is. They don't mix the flavor with the ice right most of the time.

And every time the machine is used it goes into a defrost cycle immediately, which messes the machine up even more. So these flavor mixers go in, use the machine, and fuck up every flavor so the machine is basically fubar'ed for a half an hour, EVERY FLAVOR.

Which means I can't get a fucking slurpee when I go in. And that makes me irritable.

Next: Been working on a premiere for my new flick. There were two theaters I was eyeing up. Both took their sweet time getting back to me after I contacted them.

The first theater tells me they don't have digital projection capability. Scratch them.

The second theater makes me wait two weeks, then tells me to contact corporate. I contact corporate, who tells me to contact someone else in corporate. I contact them. They say they're going to get back to me with a quote.

The quote is this: For a 475 seat theaters for one showing: $5450

Uh...if they sold out that theater for one showing at their normal ticket price of $10, they would make $4750...and most of that would go to the film company, not the theater.

So how do they get that price? I am speechless. The whole thing is so fucking ridiculous that I just want to go out and shoot random people.

Fuck.

My kid

goes in his playroom and turns on his CD and will sit in there doing who knows what for hours on end.

Well, I went in and recorded it, so now YOU know what. Here it is:
CLICK HERE

And you better rate it 5 stars or the autism society will blow your house up.

Tonight

I watched, on the big screen at an actual movie theater, the 4th film by KK. (that's me)

It's funny how sick and tired I can get of my movies, since I've edited all of them and you get to watch each film about 1000 times, but the second you put one up on the big screen it's got my attention again. I get excited.

I was last minute checking things, since I'm still eyeing up a premiere in the next month or so(if any of the rentable theaters ever get back to me). Nothing too unexpected. There's a lot of rough audio still.

The movie seems slow to me still in the first 25 minutes, but the guy I watched it with--who's never seen any of it--thought it moved very fast. He seemed to like it.

I still think some people are going to come out confused. I mean, you gotta wonder just how dumb you have to skew your movie so enough people get it--I'm always fighting that urge when I write. How much do I have to explain, and how much should I try to let the audience figure out?

Whatever. What I mean to say is, this movie is pure genius. Like all my other stuff. And if you don't get it, you're just not filmically trained.

:)

Like I Don't Have Enough To Do

I hate this state. I haven't hidden it. The problems are numerous.

But even more than I hate this state, I hate the people running it. None moreso than our current governor, and his croney Mbusch.

I got semi active on a message board that details the things our crooked gov does on a daily basis--though I'm under an alias on the board.

And last week I decided...why not put my hate toward something good? They have some really horrible anti-gov youtube vids on the site--really amateurish, non-moving pics and text, same music the whole time...

I could do one of these that really nails all the points, because this douche of a gov is up for re-election next year, and it takes a lot to get the retarded Ds in this state to vote against their own kind. (The Rs are no better at this, mind you)

But I'm hoping that the record tax increases coupled with the crazy shenanigans will help remind them--I know the gov shoved the tax increases through early, hoping everyone would forget about them by the time re-election came.

I'm gonna try to make sure that doesn't happen. Who knows what it will lead to?

Shhh....

Don't spread it--not ready to release the poster yet widely, as I'm not sure it's done. Also, just because we're on this page doesn't mean we're in.

Scroll Down And See

Too Busy To Blog

Not really. Just don't have anything I feel like sharing.

Went over Zig's and watched Cannonball Run. Man, does that movie not hold up. All I remember is how much cleavage and kung fu was in that movie, and it really didn't have much at all. And the story and dialogue...

Next night my wife took the kid to the beach with her family. It's like a vacation for me.

I went over Luke's the first night and watched Death Race(it's okay) and The Ruins(which I liked a lot when I first saw it in the theater).

Next night, went back over and we had some dogs on the grill, followed by a double feature of Beastmaster then Jaws. I know, you're trying to figure out which movie is better, right? Close call.

Seriously though, what's astonishing is how much nudity is in Beastmaster--a PG movie. Not PG-13, just PG. And there is a quick boobage shot early, followed by Tanya Roberts boobs(plus her bathing friend) for like 10 seconds.

As cheesy as that movie is, I still love it. I remember first seeing it at the Crofton theater, and waiting for my parents to pick me and my brother and my friend up. We found some sticks and were swordfighting outside like we were all Beastmasters.

Jaws...well, what can you say about it? It's set on July 4th weekend, which was the main reason to watch it again. It's still great, and barely dated.

In other news, submitted the new film to three fests. Still ain't in love with the name. Which is making it very hard to submit screeners and do a one-sheet and a teaser trailer.

Working on the premiere. Hope to do it maybe the first or second week of August.

Eff M.J.

Man, am I already sick of "Oh, R.I.P. Michael! The king of pop is dead!"

He was a pedophile. Had enough money to stay out of jail, but it's for sure. Yet people are lamenting the loss of a great man...

Let me lay it out for you: This guy ruined countless children's lives by luring them to his wonderland so he could touch them.

But hey--he sang a bunch of cool tunes we enjoyed growing up! I'm sure it all balances out, right?

Father's Day

Went to the in-laws for a little improptu cookout. The wife and kid, her parents, her brother and his wife and kid, and their cousin Denise. Burgers and dogs, eaten on the outside patio table.

Should have known better.

It all started well enough. By the time I got there the food was already on the grill, so I didn't have to cook any of it. Ate my burger. Sat around and listened to the chit chat.

The after-dinner cleanup. I'm sitting there and I hear a THUMP to my right--I look over. My mother-in-law is half-in/half-out of the door. In front of her on the ground is the cake that she apprarently dropped icing-down.

She looks like she's going to cry. She runs inside. Then my father-in-law sees it and he freaks out. He's a bit like a ten-year-old who just looks 65 years old. He stomps his foot and looks like he's about to cry.

He goes in after his wife. The whole thing becomes an episode. It's a huge deal. My wife picks the cake up and makes an improvised cake using the half of cake that didn't hit the ground, some mini-cupcakes, and some cookies.

Crisis sort of averted. Everyone returned to the table, but my father-in-law was still so upset that even after some of his "happy pills" he was visibly shaking.

I go down to amuse my kid who is playing in the pool, and when I come back up my wife's cousin is crying. Her mom died a few months back and she's been a mess since then.

I try to act like I don't notice her sobbing oustide on the chair. I go back down and play with my kid a little more.

Time for me to go. I head back up and don't see anyone outside, so I head inside to the kitchen...

...where the cousin is sobbing some more while my wife and her mom try to comfort her.

I again try to act like I don't notice her sobbing. I say I have to go, and I do.

Just another Father's Day.

An Important Question

I get tips sometimes about companies that are looking for scripts. This came across my email:

We are looking for completed feature-length Ninja scripts in a contemporary or near future setting. No period Ninjas, please. Submissions should be for material that is heavy on action and Ninjutsu, and should feature or be written for a Caucasian lead. Please do not submit unless your story is actually about real Ninjas. Assassins, SEALs, and other assorted stealthy characters are not Ninjas, and we're not looking for stories that can be "easily adapted."

An important question occurred to me: Why the hell haven't I written one of these?

Totally up my alley...

The Internet Must Die. And Yet...

Tivo missed Harper's Island this week. I don't know why.

In case you missed it, HI is one of the most fun shows on TV right now. It's about a bunch of people who arrive on an island(think Ten Little Indians, not Gilligan's) for a wedding, and then start getting killed off one by one.

The characters are written pretty well. They introduce about 25 charactes, and by episode two you're not really lost at all. You can keep track pretty well.

Some of the deaths are gory. It's a good time, and you should check it out. Download it.

That's where I'm going. I was able to run off and download that badboy right away.

So the internet is good.

And yet, the main reason that movie distribution has become such a nightmare is due to piracy over the internet. The studios don't want to buy many low-to-no budget features not just because there's a glut of them(though there is that), but because internet piracy is finally doing to movies what it did to the music industry years back.

There was a time when it just wasn't feasible to download whatever movies you wanted, but with hi-speed internet it's now the reality.

There's a lot of talk amongst the moviemakers about what to do. Most of it involves do-it-yourself distribution coupled with selling ad revenue. To me, that sounds like a lot more work. I already made the movie--now I gotta do ANOTHER job because people are breaking the law?

Many people are taking the approach that it's too late--we can't stop people from pirating movies. Might as well try to work with it. My thought on this is that I hope rape and murder don't become too hard to stop. I guess we'll just give up and try to work with it.

I think part of the answer lies with the cable and internet provider companies. They have the ability to throttle accounts--meaning, they can see who's uploading and downloading a ton and slow that down, put a cap on it. They don't want to say they can do this--then the onus of doing something will land on them, and the movie studios will put pressure on them to do so.

But I had a chat a while back with a lawyer who was dealing with the cable companies about this. And he said it's exactly what's happening.

Sooner or later they're gonna make you pay for how much bandwidth you use. You may say that's crazy, but how's your cell phone bill lately? The more you use, the more you pay.

This won't fix everything. It will slow some people down. But I'm sure there will be an all-you-can-download package per month--just like cell phones--so how effective it would be is up in the air.

I don't know. Wish I had an answer.

Procrastinator

While I've been finishing up Project X I've been procrastinating on my writing. I have a lot to do. I've got about ten unfinished scripts and three ideas for new ones.

So here's the list. And no, you probably won't know what I'm talking about by the shorthand. (the first you probably will)

Finish HH3.
Finish Doll One.
Finish Ghost One.
Finish Kill God One.
Finish Backyard.
Finish Vcock.
Work on Ship idea.
Work on Island idea.
Start Thief one.

I also have to rework two finished scripts.

But I just started watching the first season of Sons of Anarchy. Blazed through it in a couple of days. It's pretty good.

Funnies

Two quick things. Saw a billboard that was pretty funny:

YOUR WIFE IS HOT
(Time to get the A.C. fixed)

Caught my attention, then made me chuckle. An ad for an AC repair company.

The other is a commercial. Don't know what it is, but they "really want you to try Aciphex".

And yeah, it's pronounced Ass-FX.

In other news, the composer from FOC1 and 2 is gonna try his hand on my new flick. No real music per se, but sound design. I think we're about 8 weeks away from completion. Maybe I'll have a little premiere in late July.

Drag Me To Hell, Please

Caught this on Thursday night at midnight. Didn't want to hear any more good reviews.

My fear was this: So many filmmakers lose or find a new sensibility as they get older. The things that interested them as younger filmmakers just don't do it anymore.

It happens. It's happened to me in some respects. The fact that is hasn't happened to Spielberg is something that keeps him great.

What I'm talking about has happened to people like Carpenter. He's just not interested in horror anymore.

So I thought, what if it's happened to Raimi? How disappointing would that be? He's gotten so used to making commercial blockbusters that he's lost that fun kid inside him who likes to do crazy things with the camera while throwing various bodily fluids at his actresses?

Not to fear. Raimi is back.

The movie starts big and just keeps going. There was a couple sitting right next to me. When the disturbing stuff starts happening, I sense the girl getting freaked out. She leaned over and said something to her boyfriend.

A few minutes later they got up and left. I thought, "Weird, going to the bathroom together."

They never came back.

If you like horror movies the way they used to be, check this out. Good stuff.

T4 Spoiler Free

Mediocre. Casting Bale as Connor was a big mistake.

There's some cool stuff in the flick but I won't spoil it. On the whole though, the flick's probably the worst of the bunch.

So Trek's still your best movie bet out there.

Back From L.A. - Here's What Happened Day 3

Finally I get up about 1pm and look for Tom. Left him a message, but don't know where he is. I get my stuff organized, and run down to the 7-11 for a sandwich and a Slurpee. I feel like I'm home.

I'm surprised by how much Culver City looks like Florida.

I get back, watch part of a movie(Laid to Rest--why the hell would Lena Headey and Jonathon Schaech sign up to be in this movie for about 90 seconds apiece?), and Tom finally shows up.

He's got a million things to do--not the least is try to get five prescriptions filled because he's doing a car wreck on Monday, and he has to preemptively take anti-bruising drugs, plus get some drugs for a trip to Cambodia where he's shooting another film).

We get his stuff done and take off to meet Jacky at Cheesecake Factory in Sherman Oaks. Jacky looks like she hasn't aged a bit. Same old Jacky, and that's a good thing.

We talk for like four hours, and could go on longer. The conversation ran the gamut from sex to fellatio to cunnilingus to masturbation. There might have been other conversation, but that's just the stuff I remember.

Finally I split--gotta meet Mun. Tom drops me off, and Mun and I hit a strip club.

Except...they don't take off any clothes. They're in lingerie and bikinis. They come by and rub your leg, and sit down and talk to you for a while. It's weird. I had no idea when to tip them, since they weren't taking off their clothes.

Mun gets a lapdance from one, so he ditches me. I convince the "stripper" who comes over to me to play a joke on Mun. He's going to Cambodia to shoot this film with Tom, and he's worried that he'll step on a land mine there and blow off a leg.

I tell this girl(who knows Mun because he's a regular) to tell Mun she had a dream where he only had one leg. That the dream scared her. Sometimes she has dreams that come true.

Mun comes back, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and when I come back Mun is serious-faced. She's doing a pretty good acting job, telling him about this dream she had. I pretend I can't hear.

Mun pulls me in. "Dude, you gotta hear this!" He's all worried now. Freaked out. The stripper leaves about five minutes later, and Mun's still freaked. I finally clue him in. He laughs, but he's part pissed too. He was thinking about ditching the whole trip.

After that club closed we went to a real strip joint. They were totally nude, but they couldn't serve liquor there. I got two sodas and they were $13. And in little tiny glasses.

I didn't leave a tip.

We stayed for a while, and then home to pack and get some sleep.

I Knew Something Was Up

A brief break. My first flick, HH, made a big jump on the imdb movie meter this week.

Turns out, ABC news did a news story on that serial killer. So I guess people are looking up the flick.

You can see the video here:
VIDEO

Printed News Story

Back From L.A. - Here's What Happened Day 2

This is Tom. The missing link.

I woke up twice with a migraine headache. It's weird, I go to sleep to get rid of migraines...

Tom takes me for a late lunch to a diner where everybody knows him. He says we want the waitresses to give us woody's. They say they can do that.

Turns out that's a 2/3 lb hamburger. It's good. I can't finish it.

We head back and I organize my stuff, check the equipment. I decide to try looping the interior car stuff first--he's got a mini-van in the bottom of a parking garage that should be fairly quiet.

It's hot going. We have to keep the windows up so the sound doesn't echo. It takes a while to do each line a few times, and some of it is complicated dialogue. I don't think I'll need all that we do, but I figure it's better to be safe than sorry.

We don't get all of it done before we head up to cool out and recharge my laptop(which has all the original audio on it that we're playing for him to match).

Mun(the FOC 1&2 D.P.) calls me just then. Wants to know what we're doing. He's bored. I tell him. I say hey, come on over if you wanna watch, but looping is every bit as boring as whatever you're doing now.

He shows up. We decide to go shoot the little video portion that I need while my laptop's recharging battery. Mun booms the mic for me. (And I didn't mention how much fun we had trying to match Tom's hair color and beard length to what it was)

Mun hangs around for over an hour, but finally takes off. Tom and I manage to get the rest of the looping complete by 3:30am Pacific. He's been up since 6am. We have to shoot on the roof(which entailed him shouting at 2am from the roof of an apartment building).

Lotta fun.

I have a hard time sleeping. I think about popping an ambien, but I think--"Three days in a row is too much". I just lay there for over an hour until I fall asleep.

Back From L.A.--Here's What Happened Day 1

Got to LA around noon. Flight was about 5.5 hours. Tom sends an attractive Romanian girl to pick me up. He's at the gym(bulking up for some role, I find out later). He goes to the gym three times a day now.

We didn't get any real work done. I showed him some footage, caught up on what was going on, got situated.

Tom is, as normal, in the middle of 500 things. He's on the phone constantly.

But my composer Chad had invited me to the Arclight Sherman Oaks to see Star Trek, since he had worked on it. So Tom tells me to take the landrover and the Tom Tom GPS, and have fun.

I head out. I do not know my way around L.A., and the Tom Tom doesn't help a lot. First off, it talks in yards. It's like, "In 800 yards turn right".

I'm thinking, "Okay, 800 yards is like 2400 feet--what is that in miles? Is that a mile? A half mile?"

And it doesn't tell you what exit like my Garmen does. My Garmen would tell you exit 64A.

Anyway, I manage to find the theater. It's in a big complex called The Galleria. Chad and like eight people are at a table waiting for me. I'm introduced to them and surprised to find the composer of the film is there too. I figured he'd have seen the movie 100 times and wouldn't want to see the movie any more. (You can google him--his name is Michael, and I don't want search engines leading here)

They're all drunk and having a good time. The theater is nice. You can buy drinks, food, whatever. And seating is assigned. We walked in and the previews were already showing, but we got great seats because they were ours.

Nice.

I liked the movie a lot. The crowd was pretty rowdy. A lot of clapping and laughing. The movie is 130 minutes of action, with a lot of clever nods to the original Trek.

I also find out Chad is getting married in two months.

Afterward I say goodbye, and head back to where I'm staying--one of Tom's apartments. I'm exhausted. I got up early, then flew across country, and now it's 7am my time(remember, LA time)--so I'm beat.

But I can't sleep. Too much to do the next day. So I take an ambien. I'm out.

Fighting Ambien

I've taken an Ambien and things are going whoozy. I have to get some sleep tonight and tomorrow(anothre ambien), and try to get stuff done in between before I leave for LA on Thursday.

Talked to Chad--composer on FOC1 and 2. I hadn't asked him about working on the new movie because I don't really have anything worth his time moneywise. But now that the other guy who was supposed to do the sound design has kind of blown me off, I called Chad.

He seems willing to do it. Had some good ideas. I mention that I'm gonna be in town on Thursday and that I was gonna try to see a midnight Star Trek. Chad says that's crazy--he and some of his other crew, who all worked on the movie are going to the Arclight theater to watch it, and he's got an extra ticket. Did I want it?

I was like--hell yeah. Here's the theater:
CHECK IT OUT

So okay. I can barely keep my head together. I'm going to sleep.

Wolverine Movie

Meh.

My spoiler-free review.

Busy Weekend

My sisters are in town. One of them is having a baby, so they're having a shower for her.

Also, they're having a surprise birthday party for my brother's 40th bday.

So today we rush off to the party. At a stop sign there's a guy in the left lane waiting, so I pull into the right lane. A second later, the guy in the left hand lane decides to pull his car right into mine.

I'm astounded. I'm technically a little in front of him, so how he didn't see me is a mystery.

My car door only opens about 5 inches, so I slide out. We exchange stuff. The dent is deep but not too bad, I think.

Then I try to drive. It's okay unless you ever want to make a lefthand turn. If you do that, the bent part of my car scrapes my tires so loudly that people stop and stare.

It's the same side and area the other guy hit me in like a month ago(and I can't tell you how glad I am that I procrastinated getting that fixed!) If I'd had it fixed only to have this guy hit it again...someone would die.

Anyway, at the party I find out my non-pregnant sister is apparently insane. She's into "vertical dancing" now. Most people call it pole dancing. You know, like the strippers do.

She has a pole in her apartment and she does stripper moves on it, but she's fully clothed. See, that's how you know it's "vertical dancing". And she gets all indignant about it. She's even signed a petition to get it into the Olympics.

I know the Olympics has some stupid sports in it(I'm looking at you Curling, but Synchronized Swimming ain't far behind it). But you can't do stripper moves on a stripper pole, and then get all haughty when someone tells you you're pole dancing. It's not like the King and Queen of England used to pole dance, and then the strippers adopted it, forever tarnishing the good name of pole dancers everywhere.

Strippers did it. Now you're doing it. Call it what you want but shove the indignation.

The best part is when she tells me her boyfriend's "not even into it". She knows this because he says he isn't. Yeah, a guy who's not into chicks dancing on stripper poles.

I guess she's dating a gay guy.

DGAS

As in Don't Give A Shit.

Re: Earth Day.

Yeah, I know, I'm not very P.C. about it but I'm not going to be one of those hypocritical posers who acts like he cares about the Earth for one day, and then does eff-all about it the rest of the year.

Like Trent Reznor says in his great song Capital G: "Don't give a shit about the temperature in Guatemala. Don't really see what all the fuss is about. Ain't gonna worry about no future generations. I know, I'm sure somebody's gonna figure it out."

And yes, I realize he's saying it to play the asshole--he doesn't really mean it. Well, I do. And yes, I'm that asshole.

Bullshit

So I been watching Spike's Deadliest Warrior show lately. It's a surprisingly addictive bit of cheesiness where they pit warriors from different timelines against each other, first demonstrating their skills, and then using a computer simulation to determine the winner.

Tonight's episode was Spartan Vs. Ninja. Both super-cool warriors. But I'm old school, man. The ninja is too badass for anybody.

Needless to say, I think their computer simulation is freakin' busted, man. Fix that shit, bitch. That's all I'm saying.

Title

Been trying to think up a good title for my new flick. We've had a working title for a while.

It's funny--I've never had a big problem with titles before. My first title I borrowed from a book(a non-fiction book so it wasn't a problem) and my second movie's title just came to me.

So I've been batting around names with a buddy but nothing that thrills me yet.

Going Back To Cali, Cali, Cali

Yeah. Not all that excited about it. Gotta go out for a couple of days to get some looping done for the new flick.

The whole flight really puts a damper on it. Getting up early, dealing with the lines, security. Then the boring cramped flight.

Ah well. Really gotta get more time during production so we can not have the audio problems that plague me every time.

So easy to say. Not so easy to accomplish.

Shattered

I like those Primetime and Dateline hidden camera stings. Last month a buddy called me and asked me to TIVO one of the shows called "What Would You Do?" because an actor he knew was gonna be in it.

The show hired actors to stage incidents, and then they recorded with hidden cameras the reactions of regular people who stumbled onto the incidents.

The first segment they'd hired some actors to play some cult-like folk to play a family who were forcing a fifteen year old girl to marry an old guy. They were in a diner, and they wanted to see whether other people eating would intervene on the girl's behalf.

I watched it, it was mildly entertaining. My buddy comes over to watch to see who his actor buddy played, but we don't see him.

Then we do: It's when the announcer is talking with disbelief about how some of the other diners are doing nothing to help the girl. They cut to one guy and say, "Look at this man--he takes a cell phone picture but does nothing else."

And it's the actor.

This show, purporting to be about hidden camera reactions of real people, is using actors as the real people. Are you kidding me?

I understand that most reality TV is actually scripted to some length, but this is a REPORTING SHOW. And they are making this shit up.

I can't believe it. How do I know they're not hiring actors for their To Catch A Predator show? Man, I am disillusioned...

Things I Know About Cheating

Compliments of Cheaters: Too Hot For TV

If you are going to cheat on your significant other, do NOT do it at your mutual abode. It is perfectly legal for them to install a hidden camera that will capture you and all your freaky sex habits for the world to see.

And for all your jokes about videotaping your junk("better get out the wide-angle lens!")--you do not want your junk videotaped with a wide-angle lens, because your junk will look TINY.

And on national TV.

The Blurs

When you shoot a lot of guerilla stuff you end up getting things that may cause you legal problems later on down the road. License plates. Phone numbers. Company logos.

One shot has my guy arresting a fugitive at a Wachovia bank ATM. You see Wachovia pretty prominently, but we couldn't cover it up. We only had one take at the shot as it was. (It was Friday night at an ATM--you figure it out)

But now I'm looking at the shot and thinking: With the way banks are now, Wachovia probably won't be in business in six months. I probably won't have to worry about blurring their name.

That's me, always looking for the silver lining.

Network Solutions

Drove past a big electronic sign tonight. One of those programmable ones where it will scroll its message, blink to a new one, all the bells and whistles.

And it proclaims: "Network Solutions" and their contact info. And then it informs you that the time is 7:38pm.

Except, the time is now 8:38pm. I don't think I'm going to trust my network troubleshooting to someone who can't even program daylight savings time into their programmable sign.

It would be one thing if DST had just changed, but it's been like two weeks...

F*ck My Friends

Did I mention that I went over Zig's house the other night and my car got towed? I blame Zig.

So last night another buddy Luke had some people over because his brother-in-law is in from France. A quick, last minute invite. Like twelve people. Some drunken milfish types who at one point began squeezing their breasts for no apparent reason.

It's all good, right?

Then some people decide to leave. They walk out. Five minutes later they come back in, and one is pretty downfaced. Someone cracks a joke about him coming back in, and he says, "No, this is serious. I just ruined the night!"

"What?" people ask.

"I just backed into someone's car!" he exclaims. I know--instantly, because hey, that's my life--that he's hit my car. It has to be my car.

Luke asks, "Was it gray?" The guy says yes.

So we go out. Sure enough, he's rammed my car. Not a fender bender really, because my front light is hanging off my car by a wire, and the dent is pretty sizeable.

I can look forward to having to go to a body shop to get an estimate, having to wait around for that, having to come back after the insurance company approves it, and wait around while they fix it.

I have resigned to never visit my friends ever again. F*ck them.

Wendy's

I still go there pretty much every day. It's part of my diet. My dinner typically consists of 5 chicken nuggets and a coke zero. It's cheap, it's not high on calories, and it's on the way when I head into town.

They all know me there now. I'm a regular.

I walked in yesterday and the manager recounted this story to me:

Oh, hey. You missed the action! (What happened?) There's this other guy, comes in a lot like you. He always orders his stuff, and then while we're making it he'll go to the bathroom.

So this time he orders, goes to the bathroom, and while we're making his stuff another family(hispanic) comes in and orders. We're making their food, and their younger daughter goes to the bathroom.

A second later there's a scream. The guy--he's in the ladies restroom, and he apparently tried to attack her!

He ran off after she screamed, but the police came, and it sounds like they caught him!

I act suitably horrified by the whole event, and order only a Coke Zero this time. (we had burgers on the grill yesterday, because it was 70 degrees out)

The manager gets me the Zero, then goes over and grabs some nuggets, puts them in a bag, and gives them to me. "You get a free bonus today".

I left with the free nuggets and my zero. Thinking that if you're a regular and you DON'T attack the other patrons, you'll get rewarded.

Standstill

Got up today with the intention of finishing my rough draft of a trailer for my new flick. Turned on the TV so I have some background noise.

And unfortunately, Tremors is on. I've seen this movie 100 times. I own it on DVD. But I swear to God that if it's on I can't skip it. I will watch it again. Love it.

So I watched it. It's on some channel called Movieplex. Tremors ends. It says, "Coming Next: Dungeons & Dragons".

Wha-huh? You're following up Tremors with THAT movie? Wtf? Are you trying to contrast really good movies by following them up with really bad movies? Makes no sense.

But at least I can get back to work. Oh, and it's like 70 degrees out for the second day in a row. Yes, it's early March in Maryland. Weird.

Maybe we will all die in 2012...

Snow Day

Weird day. My wife didn't go to work, kid didn't go to school, so they woke me up after only a couple of hours of sleep to see if I wanted to go sledding. There was like six inches of snow on the ground.

We picked up my brother-in-law and his kid and went sledding at a hill near us. I surfed a snowboard for the first time, and let me tell you, I'm awesome. I only crashed once, and we got it on video so if I digitize it I'll put it somewhere.

Working on a trailer for the new flick. Watching some random stuff. If you haven't seen a movie called Sex Drive, check it out. It's a pretty funny coming-of-age story. It's crude though, so if you're a wussy then don't bother.

Goings On, A Summary

I dunno. Just not feeling inclined to blog lately.

See, there's tons of shit I don't put in here. On the one hand, half of reason I do this blog is because it now takes the place of my autobiography in that it documents the goings-on in my life.

On the other hand, there's a lot of shit I don't put down here because it's too personal for the interwebs. I mean, you should SEE some of the crazy shit in my autobiography. There's a reason it's encrypted and password locked.

Anyway, went over Zig's the other night to watch some bizarre stuff. My car got towed. What a fuckin' racket that is. Went to get my car at 1:30am and they only take cash, and it's $150. Luckily, Stewie lent me the money. I only have charge cards.

Still working out the kinks in the new flick. Trying to get a temporary "score" so I can submit to a few small festivals, but my guy is slacking.

Am watching something called "Meerkat Manor", available for instant streaming through my Xbox. Dunno what to make of it. It's interesting, and each episode is like 19 minutes long, so it's good background noise while I'm doing stuff.

Caught the Oscars. How boring. Never have they been so predictable. My mom and I have played the Pick-the-Oscars game for like 15 years, and this is the first year we tied. We each only got five wrong.

And am writing four scripts. Some in the early stages, some midway. Don't know if they're any good yet.

High Class

Had an idea for a movie a couple of months ago. I let them percolate for a while before I typically get to work on them. I put down about four pages of notes over the last month, and just started it tonight.

And the first line of dialogue?

RON
So you're telling me that you get
head regularly?

That's how you know this is gonna be a high-class script, yessiree.

Meanwhile

It's funny how many cool ideas I have for blogs when I'm driving on the road, and then I forget when I sit down here.

Anyway, the new flick is near a completed form. Most of the audio glitches are cleaned up. The movie with no credits looks to be somewhere around 80 minutes long. Short, but hopefully that will ensure nobody leaves. ("Wow, this sucks, but at least it's short!")

Overnight we had some sort of massive windstorm. Blew open our storm door and scared the dogs to death.

And did you see that freak J. Phoenix on Letterman? Wtf?

Here's a link to most of it:
YOUTUBE

Some people are saying it was fake, but I watched that live, and I don't believe it.

Took the woman to see My Bloody Valentine in 3D. It's kinda fun. The 3D is cool and the movie isn't bad. Some cool gore. I would like to know why, in your 3D movie, you have a naked girl running around and you hire a B-cup chick. Dude, I wanna see some EE's bouncing in my face 3D-style.

Missed opportunity, you know?

Not A Title I Could Make Up

Check it out. Totally unexpected headline for a news report:

Not Spoiling It

Using It Too Much

I discovered that I say something too often yesterday.

My kid--you know, the autistic five year old--he was drawing in his room and I poked my head in and asked him what he was doing. He said, "Ok, Ok, shut the door."

He doesn't exactly answer every question, but I guess he wanted to be left alone. I was tired and a bit irritable, and not really thinking, I shut the door as I muttered under my breath, "Douchebag."

Yeah. Called my kid a douchebag. Sure, wasn't really thinking about it. Apparently, I call a lot of people douchebag.

But still...

Cool Band

So I heard a song by this band that was really cool. Had an 80's heavy metal kinda vibe to it. Like 80's Alice Cooper with a Rammstein voice.

Looked into them. They're a Finnish band that dresses up in horrific costumes kind of like Gwar, but these guys actually have musical talent. I downloaded their album, expecting that the album probably wouldn't be that good...

...turned out to be very good. It's horror-themed, with songs like "Girls Go Chopping" and "The Doctor Is In(God Help Us)".

Anyway, check 'em out. Their name is Lordi. They have a lot of catchy hooks, but the guy's voice definitely takes getting used to. Here's the first song that got me hooked, followed by another favorite. The rest you can download off of Amazon for like $.99 a song, or the whole album for $9.99

DEADACHE

MAN SKIN BOOTS

Pickup Shot Pt. 2

Go read part 1 below if you haven't already. Up to speed? Super.

While I'm freezing my ass off, the trooper gets chatty with me. I put on the charm, and after about five minutes she's become kind of sympathetic, and she likes me.

No county cop has shown up, and then I get a phone call. It's the 911 dispatch telling me she spoke to her sergeant and he says we can't shoot on private property. Also, if we shoot video of anybody we need releases. Like, thanks.

She gives me the sergeant's number. The trooper looks a little guilty now that she's the cause of us not being able to shoot this literally ONE SHOT. She apologizes, but adds, "You gotta understand where I'm coming from."

I get in the car and give John and Zig the bad news. We drive to a nearby parking lot. I figure we'll wait a couple of minutes, then shoot at another apartment complex. But I also call the sergeant anyway.

He's a HUGE dick. Major attitude. He tells me we can't shoot in the county without a permit. I disagree--I tell him I've spoken with the county executive and the permits guy. Sarge doesn't like being told he's wrong. He tells me he's gonna put me on the phone with the top man in the Eastern division.

He does. This guy's a slightly less huge dick. I explain what we're trying to do. I mention how we just need ONE shot, and we're done. He thinks it's funny that we're trying to do it in 8 degree weather.

After a minute he says, "If you can promise me this won't take longer than 15 minutes, I'll send an officer out." I agree. So he sends an officer out to meet us.

He pulls in the parking lot, and HE'S a huge dick. He takes my driver's license, writes a bunch of shit, and then tells me why they're all being such huge dicks: It's Friday night. He shows me his laptop screen that shows all the calls they're getting, and he says they've got four cars coming this way, and HE has to babysit us.

So we drive over to the complex. We shoot fast. The first take, John runs around the corner and slides on the icy grass, goes down hard. Blown take. We do another take. It's not bad, but there's some visible breath.

I think we got it though, so we tell the officer we're done. We do it in 8 minutes all together.

All of that hassle...when we could have done it in 8 minutes. We celebrate by going to get Slurpees. No shit.

A couple of us watched some of the rough cut. They seem to like it a lot. I still am underwhelmed. We'll see if music and/or sound design can help it.

Pickup Shot Pt. 1

So we had a pickup shot to do. We shot the original scene in the fall, and now we're shooting in eight degree weather.

The actor in the scene came up from North Carolina. We went out to get something to eat, then did some looping that I might need. Might as well get it while he's here.

Then we headed out to the scene. It's an apartment complex outside. My guy is dressed like a bounty hunter. Included in his outfit is a blank-firing pistol, and a real shotgun.

I'm not worried because we shot this same stuff back in October and got hassled on occasion(see earlier blogs), but this shot is literally going to take 15 minutes to get. Get out of the car, shoot it a couple of times, and take off.

We pull in. The actor, John, pulls on his outfit, then puts some ice chips in his mouth(to try to get rid of the white plume every time he breathes), and we walk around the side of the building.

The ice isn't working. It's just too cold. So John's gonna have to hold his breath as we walk around the back of the building. Then I'll tell him to take a breath, and then call action again and I basically will chase him around to the front of the building.

We do a take, but it's not good. And then there's an unmarked cop car pulling up.

We walk over, and this thick black lady in a parka gets out. She's a state trooper, and she asks us(with visible attitude) what the hell we think we are doing. I give her my normal spiel about shooting something--we shot here a few months ago--and we just need to get a quick shot and we're gone.

She's pissed, way out of proportion. She says she almost shot us because John is carrying a shotgun. I ask, a little incredulously, if she saw that I had a camera. (it had a big light on top of it). She says yes--I clearly should have been on my knees apologizing--and then says, "You wanna go to jail?"

I ask why. She says that John's carrying a weapon with no permit. I say that you don't need a permit to walk around with a shotgun. I was pretty sure this is true, and apparently I was right, because she points at John's pistol in his vest.

I tell her it's fake gun. John takes it out and she examines it, but the thing is it works and looks exactly like a real gun unless you look at the tip of the barrel. And as much as I asked her to, she wouldn't look at that.

She takes a good minute figuring out to get the magazine out(which is weird because it's just like a regular gun), and looks at it when she gets it. She jacks the slide, which works just like a regular slide. I keep saying--look at the tip of the barrel. It's filled in.

She wouldn't. I tell her that when we shot here earlier in the fall we'd call the 911 dispatch and let them know where we'd be, and they'd let their officers know. She asks if I did that tonight. I tell her no.

"Well why not?" she asks. I say because we only needed the one shot, and we'd only be there like 15 minutes.

Meanwhile it's 8 freaking degrees out, and we would have been done by now had she not stopped us.

So then she asks, "Well, you were wrong then, weren't you?" Which clearly she had been looking for from the beginning. She wanted an apology, and for me to say that I was in the wrong.

I don't like people who try to exert authority. Always had a problem with it. So it took me longer than it should have to go, "Well, yeah." Then I add, "I can call them now."

She bristles again. Tells me to do that, she'd like to see how they're going to give me permission to film on private property.

I still have the number in my phone to the 911 dispatch, so I call it. I tell them we're shooting a video and give them an address. I tell them my guy's dressed like a bail enforcement agent. The dispatch person begins typing it in and doesn't seem to care.

I'm about to thank her and hang up when the trooper lady demands to speak to her. I hand her the phone. The trooper says, "Do you realize they're shooting on private property, and they have a shotgun?" These are things I neglected to mention.

To my surprise, the 911 operator doesn't seem to care. She says they'll send out a county officer to supervise. This doesn't sit well with the state trooper, but she doesn't have any answer.

I get the phone back, and we wait for the county officer to show. I'm freezing my balls off. Trooper in the parka doesn't look too cold.

Wow, this story is longer than I thought. To Be Continued...

Weather Report

For reasons I won't go into, I was up this morning when I should have been sleeping. Had the TV on for background noise while I attempted for the third day to wipe out a virus that's trying to cripple my computer.

Anyway, the weather report comes on for The Today show. They show a map with different sections of the country, and I kid you not it said this: "Gorgeous"(over California), "Very Nice" just north of there. "Bone Chillingly Cold" over the east coast where I am.

Whatever happened to actual temperature readings? That might help some.

Rough Cut Done

Finished a rough cut of my new flick the other night, and am now going through it on pass two for fixes. We're going to try to shoot the only pickup this week, but I hear there's gonna be flurries.

That's won't work. So we'll see.

Don't know whether the movie will be entertaining or not. It was an experiment, and as with every film, there are things I'm happy with and things I'm not happy with. Story of my life.

Anyway, here's a funny link I borrowed from another blog. It's to a review of that crappy Secret book, but the review is VERY funny.

CHECK IT OUT

Also, saw Gran Torino the other night. It's good, but it's not the new Dirty Harry flick you kind of hope it is. It's funny though, I'll tell you that.

S&S

Been watching those Simon & Simon episodes. It's funny, because though they have listed that you can watch the entire season 1, the last two episodes say "On DVD only". Which is okay, because I have them.

But for ease of use I've been watching them on the Xbox Netflix thing. I'm on the episode titled Matchmaker, and who appears on the screen? Colonel Wilma Deering herself(and she gets billed as Special Guest Star), Erin Gray.

What a hottie! Can't forget her in that shiny skin-tight suit from Buck Rogers...

Anyway, I'm also surprised that I didn't realize that their familiar theme song(the cool guitar riff) was not the original song for the show. What's weirder is that it's the opener for like episode 4, and that's it so far.

Like, why do you use another song for all but episode 4, and then switch to the new one somewhere later? (I guess season 2 maybe?) Doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

Also, had a discussion about what Jim Carrey's funniest movie is. For me it's gotta be Dumb and Dumber, followed closely by Ace Ventura. D&D wins because it's still one of the funniest movie's I've ever seen.

Whattaya think?