Saturday, December 31, 2005

A little New Year's Fun

You might ask, what am I doing at home at 10:32pm on New Year's Eve. Well, I'm married with a two year old kid, and a hard drive crash of epic proportions. That should be enough of a reason right there.

So I'm going through about 3,000 wav files with no names, listening to each and giving it a name after I figure out what it was before it got deleted. I figure this might be a fun little game. I'm going to post some of them for you to listen to. If you think you know what the movie is that it came from ONLY POST THE INITIALS of the film in the post.

That way it won't be a total giveaway to others if they read them. So let's see if I can get this html to work. There's about 14 different sounds.

Wav1
Wav2
Wav3
Wav4
Wav5
Wav6
Wav7
Wav8
Wav9
Wav14
Wav10
Wav11
Wav12
Wav13

Have fun, and happy new year!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

So cleanmgr sucks...

After like 6 years of adding and deleting files, and finally organizing my hard drive I figured I should defragment my hard drive. It's something they say you should do every couple of months or so.

But Windows 2000 has no defragment. Windows help tells me to use cleanmgr. I do. The program opens, analyzes my hard drive, then asks me to check some boxes. One is to compress seldom-used files to save room.

When you check it it says: WILL NOT DELETE ANY FILES and is "completely safe".

So I hit OK. I go eat dinner and when I come back...there are now 5 items on my desktop. There used to be like 30. I check windows explorer to see how much room got freed up on my hard drive that only had about 1 gig free.

There are now 55 gigs free. I notice missing folders everwhere. Somehow this horrid program has deleted 54 gigs of stuff.

I have an article for Fangoria magazine that's due next week--it was four pages and Tony Timpone, the editor of Fango had called me up to make sure I could do it by the deadline. That article, and most of my other docs(including the new scene breakdowns and shooting schedule for FOC2) are GONE.

I rarely panic. But inside I was freaking out. All the digital photos I had taken in the past year were gone--including pics of my kid, of my brother-in-laws wedding, of EVERYTHING--gone.

Windows pops up an error telling me that crucial windows files are missing and please insert the windows install disk. Yes, that's right, this program has deleted necessary Windows files among its random deletions.

CUT TO:

Me at the store buying a search and recovery program to attempt to salvage what's still on the hard drive. It managed to find 169,000 files but it doesn't find any names--so I have to individually go through those 169,000 files to figure out which ones are good and which ones are bad.

So that's where I'm at now. I managed to find the Fango article and the FOC2 stuff, so that's good. Will be going through those for weeks.

Moral of the story: Don't run cleanmgr no matter how safe it says it is.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Gonna Be A Brief Gap

I've had a major computer disaster--the biggest I've ever had. Will take me a couple of days before I'm back online regularly.

Hit me back on Friday and I should be on track again.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry Freakin' Christmas

I'll tell you about my Christmas tomorrow maybe. For right now, let me give you guys a little Christmas present. A picture I stumbled on while I was cleaning the old hard drive.

It's from the warp party for FOC--bet you wish you'd been there. That's Jacky lying back on the pool table. Lauren's the other girl doing...ummm...whatever it is she's doing. Enjoy.




Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Expectation Versus Reality

This is something I've experienced and thought on at great lengths, and I still don't really have an answer.

The thing is this: How do I, as a low-budget filmmaker, deal with the sometimes unreasonable expectations of my audience? I know that's not too clear, but here's what I mean:

My first film cost $23,000--that's the total budget. We shot it for $11,000 and it took me another year just to raise the remaining money so we could get the film developed and transferred to BetaSP to edit. MTI Home Video picked it up, packaged it with a slick dvd cover that featured a scene not actually IN my movie, and described it generally as a slasher film--which it isn't.

So a lot of people who picked it up at the store because they wanted THAT type of movie--those people were disappointed to find what is essentially a character study about a serial killer who discovers he's been targeted by another serial killer.

Now my new film, FOC, has been slickly packaged by Lion's Gate. Its budget is also very small. Lion's Gate has placed multiple full-page ads in the retailer trades and apparently put together a pretty nice trailer(haven't seen it yet). Then they put that trailer for it on the dvd release of Saw 2--their biggest release yet. In general they seem poised to make FOC one of their biggest direct-to-dvd releases of the past year.

I imagine people picking up Saw 2, watching it and enjoying it, and then renting FOC because they saw the trailer. And the majority is going to be disappointed. There's no way my flick, shot for about 3% of the budget of Saw 2, can compare.

As opposed to if they had just heard there was this cool low-budget movie about killer clowns that maybe they should check out. They'd go in with lower expectations and probably enjoy it more.

So when I get an inevitable "Your movie sucked" emails, it's very tempting to say "Hey, if you had any idea of what my budget was you'd think different." (And don't ge t me wrong--to my surprise I actually get more positive emails than negative)

But it makes me wonder if perhaps winning the lottery in terms of filmmaking--which is getting your film picked up by a big distributor--isn't setting up unreasonable expectations with the people who are going to watch your flick.

And should I even care?

New York Trip

So a couple of weeks ago my very rich friend Ed called me and said he had the use of a stretch humvee for a day, and he and his girl(also my friend) Beth were gonna take it to New York for the day. Did I wanna go?

After the logistical battle of getting a babysitter for that day and the next, my wife and I said sure. She loves New York at Christmas. I kinda enjoy it, but it tenses me up. All those people.

So yesterday we went. There was 8 of us total. On the way Ed said to me: "Geeze, helluva day I picked huh? I almost called it off." I had no idea what he was talking about. He then explained that the city was all but shut down, the subway and buses weren't running. He wasn't even sure we were gonna get into the city.

A word about the stretch hummer. The word is NIIIIIIICE. Definitely the way to go.

We got to New York and found that what we feared had not happened. The exact opposite had happened: There was almost NO traffice on the bridges into the city. Beth, who is originally from New York, said it was eery how dead it was.

Into the city was the same. I'm used to the packed streets, wall to wall cars, having to shove and be shoved as you walk. But it was great. Plenty of room--our first stop was central park so we could take a horse-drawn carriage ride. There was no wait. (I've waited 45 minutes before to get an unoccupied one)

After the ride we walked across the street to FAO Schwartz, the toy store. Here's a couple of pics--you can click on them for the bigger version. Yes, those are people dancing on the big keyboard just like in "Big".





We wandered around some more, doing the tourist thing. Stopped off at the Trump building where they film all those final scenes of "The Apprentice". Had some cool lighting, which I shot:


Got a hot chocolate there. Then we went to dinner at Galagher's Steak House. No wait at all for our party of 8. Mondo expensive. Filet Mignon was $38, and that came with NOTHING. After New York state/city/entertainment tax it would be like $52. Then order your $8 fries and your $2.50 soda.

But it was very good. Then meal for the 8 of us was like $700. Ed pulled out his platinum American Express card and told us it was his treat. Man, it must be nice to be rich.

Had to hit Rockefeller Center to see the tree now that it was dark out. Here's some more pics.




We were gonna bolt home--it was getting late, but a couple of us decided that since it wasn't busy we ought to check out the "Top of the Rock". No, not Alcatraz. It's apparently the new tallest building in New York with a better view than the Empire State Building.

So we went there--no wait again--took the elevator up. It shoots like 70 floors straight up in like 40 seconds. The ceiling was see-through so you could watch the roof approach you at high speed. My ears popped twice on the ride up.

True to its word it had a stellar view of the city. Here's some of those pics. People love pics!







Okay, it was cold up there. We high-tailed it back to the limo and then on to home. Didn't get back until about 1am. Just in case you thought I was lying, here's the limo and our driver, Chris, as he's dropping us off.



So that was it. A good trip. The moral of the story: Screw them New Yorkers--keep up the strike! New York is much more fun when there's a strike going on.

Monday, December 19, 2005

FOC/VB Update

New edition of VB Weekly came out today. Instead of the 2-page spread, they've got a 1 page ad for FOC in this week's--with the correct running time of 106 minutes.

For those who would like to see it, click here:

VB WEEKLY ONLINE EDITION

Click on the magazine and it will take you to the online edition where you can flip pages until you see the ad. Pretty handy format.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Again with the chapping of the ass...

Under the category of: Are you kidding me?

Shower curtain rods. You know, they're collapsible so you spread them depending on how wide your shower is.

But let's say you have to actually slide your shower curtain one way or the other. The rings are always catching on one of the lips of the collapsible sections. Pull hard enough and you'll rip the shower curtain. Meanwhile you're splashing water out of the shower trying to mess around with it.

You're telling me that in this day and age--when we can put freakin' men on the moon--we can't make a collapsible shower curtain rod that's smooth enough that the rings can slide back and forth effortlessly?

If we can't, how about we contact the Japanese? I know for a fact that they can get it done. They've got robots that can walk, can jump, can act lke us, and they have hands so strong they can crush steel, yet are so sensitive they can pick up an egg without crushing it.

I KNOW they could make a shower curtain that wouldn't irk me five minutes after I've woken up and am trying to take a relaxing shower. I know it.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Lions Gate Becomes Lionsgate

Yeah, so they changed their name. I've read the reasons, but it all sounds kinda goofy to me. Whatever. Doesn't really affect me.

But I was informed by someone who took a closer look at the ad that it says FOC is 88 minutes. I'm hoping this is a typo or mis-information.

The cut I delivered to them is 106 minutes. However, if you want to sign a deal with Lionsgate you sign away final cut right and title right. So if they want to cut your movie or change the title, they can legally.

I knew the title was safe: A rep told me over the phone how much they liked it and couldn't believe it hadn't been used before.

But the cut...I tried to make it as hard as possible for them to cut anything. There are some tricks in delivery you can do to make it difficult for them, but it's far from impossible for them to do it.

So now I'm wondering if they cut 18 minutes out of the film, and if so...what they hell they cut. Should be interesting to see. I know the ad was bought and paid for months ago, so it may just be they were taking a guess when they created the ad.

And for those interested in FOC2--check the message boards for the exclusive first look at the casting notice. It won't go out to Backstage or any of the other casting places until January.

The Best Christmas Movies

Now, I'd like to say that this list is only my opinion and isn't a statement of fact.

I'd like to say that, but I'd be lying. It IS a statement of fact. These are the best. If you disagree then what you have to do is examine your opinion and decide where you went wrong. Because you did.

So here they are! The best!

1. Christmas Vacation
2. The Ref
3. Scrooged
4. Die Hard
5. A Christmas Story
6. Love, Actually
7. Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Note: The Rudolph movies(and Frosty, for that matter) aren't in the running because they were television movies. Also, if they were in the running they would take up the first three slots in the list.

The ones that almost made the list, in no order: White Christmas, It's a Wonderful Life, Gremlins, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, and John Carpenter's The Thing. (Shut up, that makes EVERY list I make--plus there's a lots of snow in it)

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Winter Cleaning

Hard drive, that is. When you have 20+ hard drives and over a terabyte of storage space like I do, you have a tendancy to never delete anything because you've got so much storage space.

Also, I'm lazy so I have a tendancy to store everything under C:

So I've been spending some time organizing and deleting files. Been finding all sorts of stuff. Here's a neat picture a guy named Rob created from a screencap of Mark the first time he tried on the black contacts.

Pretty cool. I'll post some other stuff over the next couple of days until I get time to actually, you know, compose a real post.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Yes! Maryland is good at SOMETHING!

Good news!

Morgan Quitno’s annual reference book, "Crime State Rankings 2005" lists Maryland as the FOURTH MOST DANGEROUS STATE TO LIVE IN!

The things it takes into account are: murder, rape, robbery, aggravated assault, burglary and motor vehicle theft.

So not only is the whether crappy 70% of the year, the taxes are ungodly, the politician are all pinheads, the real estate is out of control--now you find out you're probably going to get killed living here.

The hits keep on coming!

Just so you know, here's the top five most dangerous states.
1. Nevada
2. Louisiana
3. Arizona
4. Maryland
5. South Carolina

Hey Hey

Bill Cunningham at DISC/ontent was kind enough to critique Lion's Gate's poster for FOC! Check it out with the LINK here or to the right.

He's always got some interesting stuff if you're interested in the direct2video movies.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Christmas Crap

Wow, it gets more tiresome every year to shop for Christmas gifts. Not just the fight the rest of the world for parking spaces, and room to walk in the mall. Not just the long lines at the post office--hey, I'm there all year around, shouldn't I get a "regulars only" line?

It's more that I have no idea what to buy my wife anymore. (Yeah, what DO you get the woman who has everything, and by everything I mean ME)

I love those lists that pop up online--"The Best Gifts for Women!". Click on it and it's always perfume and foot massagers. She's married so she doesn't need perfume anymore, and I got her a foot massager like five years ago. Been there, done that.

She busted the nice digital camera I got her for Christmas last year(she left it on top of the car and went for a drive--it flew off and now has enough pieces to make a challenging puzzle). So I bought her a replacement last month because she whined that she really needed one. I figured...that's one Christmas present.

But she says it's not. That's right, I'm just EXPECTED to buy her a new version of anything I buy her that she destroys. How's that work?

So now I'm trying to figure out something cool to get her. Any ideas, ladies? (and by ladies, I mean you too, Stewie)

Friday, December 09, 2005

Networking

I went to what amounted to a "networking party" last night. It was put on by the Women In Film and Video of Maryland. But one of the main members was a guy. How does that work?

I'm not a big networking guy. I'm the guy who hung out in the back of the classroom by himself. I'm still that guy--maybe just a tiny bit more outgoing.

The whole shindig reminded me of the Annapolis Film Fest. As small as I am I'm the biggest fish in the pond at these things. The people hear Lion's Gate and they fall over themselves to be the first to clap. Then there's pretty much a line of people who want to talk to me and ask the magic question: How did I do it?

And I can also see how dangerous it can be as a married man when attractive women think you can advance their career. See TOUCHY FEELY HOT ASIAN WANNABE CASTING DIRECTOR in the dictionary for more details.

But anyway, I'm getting more and more of those emails about "How did you do it"--averaging two or three a day. I'm gonna have to post a faq that I can just refer the emailers to. Typing the same answer really gets tiresome.

But it's becoming easy to see how frustrating it could be for someone in the big-time to have to deal with what I'm dealing with--on a scale a million times bigger--and how much self control it has to take them not to wig out.

So I think I'll cut them more slack when I see how fake that smile looks as they hear someone tell them for literally the millionth time that they LOVE their work.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Brian Keene's "The Rising"

Someone who shall remain nameless recommended this book to me, and even went so far as to get me a copy. It looked like it was up my alley, being a book about zombies taking over the earth.

One man lives alone in a sort of bunker, having been separated from his child. He assumed the kid was dead until he receives a call on his almost-out-of-battery cel phone. The boy leaves a message pleading for his father to come find him; he's hiding in the attic of his step-father's house.

So the man sets out to rescue his son.

Let me tell you: This is a horrible, horrible book. Is it poorly written? No, though the editing was terrible--no less than ten spelling errors inside. Are the characters cliche or cardboard cutouts? No, though there's really no standouts.

Then why, you ask, is the book horrible?

When you write a story you inevitably set up at least one question you hope the audience(or reader) will WANT answered. This is what keeps the reader watching or turning pages. They want to know if the killer is going to kill the woman, or will he be caught in time? Will the girl and the guy get together and fall madly in love by the end?

I've already told you the dominating question in this book. Will the man get to his son in time and rescue him, or will the kid be a zombie by the time he gets there?

"The Rising" ends as the man makes it to the house and goes inside to find out if his son is still alive. From the point of view of the people outside, we HEAR gunshots and a scream.

That's where the book ends. Right there, I shook my head and thought, "What a waste of time."

You MUST answer the question you have given to the reader. They have invested their time in your story and to not answer the dominating question is a complete betrayal.

Keene didn't have to answer every question. It was pretty clear that there wasn't going to be time to have any kind of resolution to the fact that zombies are taking over the world. But that single question of the father/son was really the ONLY thing that kept me reading.

And all he did was set up a sequel. Shame on him. I won't be reading that sequel. He's an author not to be trusted. It would be the same if you went to a movie and the killer's about to kill the heroine and BLACK. Sorry, come pay more money and maybe we'll tell you what happened in the sequel.

Shame on him.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Wow, spacing on that test blows...

Someone needs to format their results a little better...

I have edited it a little to make it fit better.

Results to be Proud Of...

I'm sure this is a surprise to no one. I'm not a very tolerant person.

Hey, if you don't like it then move out of my country.



The Swine

Achtung! You are 15% brainwashworthy, 45% antitolerant, and 38% blindly patriotic

Sie sind ein Schwein! You would've lived a quiet and consenting civilian life in Germany, while the Nazis stomped all over people you didn't quite care about.

You would never have directly joined the Nazis, basically because (1)
you're not so nationalistic, (2) you're not that susceptible to crazy
propaganda, and (3) you probably don't have the bloodlust. But you
would've appreciated the Party, because you liked how they cleaned out
the [insert race you dislike here].

The fact is, you demonstrate too much attachment to and pride of your
own kind, be they white & male & straight or whatever. You
absolutely would not have stood up to the Germans.

Conclusion: born and raised in Germany in the early 1930's, you would NOT have STOOD UP to the Nazis. Sorry



My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 5% on brainwashworthy
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 80% on antitolerant
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 53% on patriotic




Link: The Would You Have Been a Nazi Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Thursday, December 01, 2005

My Picture

Weird. I expected comments on the picture of me that I posted last week.

I didn't know what to expect, but I expected SOMETHING.

That picture was taken about 12 years ago. I was in college. That was my apartment where I lived with two other guys. I'm sitting on the mattress I slept on--that's right, just a mattress I took from home and most of the time didn't put a sheet on.

You can't see it, but on the wall are numchucks, a machete, a survival knife, and some Miami Dolphins memorabilia.

The guy who took this picture was named T.C.--he was in a photography class and had to take some pics, so he asked me if I'd pose for one. I said sure.

He really didn't have any idea of what he was doing. He just put some lights to the side to give me a "mysterious" look. Then he told me to give my patented look.

So I did. I think he may have captured my true essence there. I was really quite the sociopath in my younger years.

Ah, the good old days...

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

My New Love...



So a couple of people had told me I should watch this show "Veronica Mars". I ordered the first couple of discs from season 1 through Netflix. It was pretty slow going for 2 of the discs, but...

...the lead girl was VERY cute. Very likeable. It wasn't love at first sight, mind you. When she dressed up in the little schoolgirl outfit I had the first flutterings.

Then, in a recent episode, she went to an 80's-themed dance dressed like one of those Madonna-wannabes. Very short skirt, permed hair, black lace outfit. That's when I knew it was love.

And when I meet her she'll be mine, oh yes. {cue maniacal, love-crazed laughter with rubbing of the hands here}--and before you accuse me of cradle-robbing, know this: She may look 18, but she's 25. Perrrrrrrrrrrrfect.

btw: Veronica Mars, the tv show, has gotten better. The cool theme song(by the Dandy Warhols, who have a couple of other cool songs) is catchy, and once you get invested in the characters it does get better. Give it a shot if you've got Netflix and some time.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Loving It...

November 28th. Eight thirty PM at night. Maryland. It's 64 degrees outside.

It's not some freak anomaly. This November has to be one of the warmest in the record book. We've had quite a few 60+ days this month.

It's wonderful.

If this is Global Warming, I say WELCOME. Pull up a chair and stay a while.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Simon & Simon

So I've been thinking lately about Simon & Simon. You know, the OTHER detective show from the 80's. The one that doesn't have a single season dvd set yet, even though it ran for eight(yes, EIGHT) seasons on television.

You can get Magnum PI on dvd. You can can Remington Steele on dvd. You can get Moonlighting on dvd. No love for Simon and Simon though.

Which led me to thinking about the show. How I liked Rick better than A.J.--heck, I'm sure everyone did.

But I'm betting that without A.J., Rick gets a lot less interesting. Which led me to thinking about how the straight character never gets the recognition he deserves.

Riggs without Murtaugh. The Scooby Gang minus Giles(though to a lesser extent--as Giles developed a backstory he became interesting, and eventually even developed a sense of humor). David Addison minus Maddy.

I don't think the second fiddle gets the appreciation he or she deserves.

But that's all stream of thought stuff that boils out of me wanting the Simon & Simon dvds. Once we get those put out we can get down to the obscure stuff like Riptide.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving, you lurkers...

And in that spirit, here's a great Thanksgiving spam email I got today. NOTE: DO NOT CLICK ON THE LINK IF SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL OFFENDS YOU--it will not take you to a site, but I saved the picture that was in the email and uploaded it to my own server so you could see.

It's HERE

Happy T-Day

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

What to do with them?

I don't know what to do with those nifty carboard sleeves a lot of the new releases are coming with, you know? They're highly reflective, very pretty and sometimes the picture is different from the actual picture on the dvd case, so I'd feel bad about throwing them away.

But they're also kind of a pain. If you forget to slide the dvd package back in, you'll later find the cardboard sleeve and then have to hunt down the dvd. They also make the dvd slightly thicker, and my dvd shelf is getting pretty full as it is. I can use the extra space.

Today I got the new "War of the Worlds" and it's got one. I think the first one I ever got one on was "The Chronicles of Riddick". The coolest one was for "Resident Evil: Apolcalypse"--it wasn't cardboard, it was plastic with an image that stood out against the actual dvd background. Very cool.

But the cardboard ones...To throw away or not to throw away, that is the question...

Monday, November 21, 2005

Repressed Anger

I've been talking about past fights, and I guess it's because I kind of miss them. Weird, I know.

But I haven't been in a fight in maybe eight-ten years. I don't think there was anything particularly cathartic about them. The release of anger as I punched someone felt good, but in the end--even when I won--I typically had some bruises and tender places.

So the other day I'm in the parking lot where I own a store. I was chatting with my employee behind my car, so we were technically in one of the parking lot's drive lanes. But it was a Sunday and the lot was empty. You could have done donuts without hitting anyone.

Like I said, we're chatting. I hear a car coming up behind me from the liquor store and it pulls up pretty close to me and whoever it is LAYS on the horn. I think it's someone I know trying to be funny.

Imagine my surprise when I turn and see some older guy shaking his fists at me and telling me to get out of the way. I can only imagine my face. I leaned down so he could get a good look...then very clearly gave him the finger.

He got even more mad, like a monkey you're tormenting. He grabbed his steering wheel and pulled on it, yelling something at me. Then he drove around us and stopped twenty feet in front of us.

Then he turned in his seat and started giving me the finger. I'll admit--I lost it. This irrational, boiling anger came over. I stormed toward his car yelling "Get out of the car!"

I fully intended to pummel this guy if he got out. He was a smart guy though. He took off before I was even close.

I went back to my employee--who's a smartass. He says, "So...you know that guy?" I laughed, but you could see he was kind of surprised at my blowup.

I think I mentioned in one of my earliest blogs that I used to be an angry guy, but not so much now. I think I just repressed it, and it's all sitting there waiting for the right moment.

I can't explain why.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Uh...Cute Animal?

What cute animal are you like? I admit, as it got toward the end I was pretty sure it was going to say: "You're not cute at all, sorry!"

But I guess it HAS to tell you you're something cute. This is me, according to this site:

You Are A: Bear Cub!

bear cubBears are strong and independent creatures who roam in the forest in search of food. Bears are usually gentle, but anger one and be prepared for their full fury! You're big, you're tough, you won't back down from a fight, you have a bit of a temper -- classic attributes of a bear. Intelligent and resourceful, though lazy at times, you are a fascinating creature of the wild.

You were almost a: Kitten or a Turtle
You are least like a: Chipmunk or a DucklingWhat Cute Animal Are You?

THIRTEEN!

Holy crap. If you're not watching Rome, it's probably too late to start.

But...for those fans of the gore, you should check out the repeat of last week's episode. It will show at 9pm I think(they normally show it before the new episode).

You will see one of the cooler fights in recent television--and it's gotta be the bloodiest. Stabs, chopped limbs, blood everywhere!

Check it out! Then rent the entire season 1 when it comes out so you can see just what the circumstances are.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

FIGHT! (2)

I was a junior in high school. It was Friday night--and we knew where a big party was going to be. So my friend Brooks and I started drinking early. We did a bunch of beer bongs and a short time later went over to the party.

Background: Paul I. was known as something of a legend around our school. He was too old for high school, but on occasion you'd see him at the parties. He had joined the military years earlier, and the story goes that one day he didn't report for duty and they found him huddled naked in the corner of his room. They discharged him.

That was the story. The only thing anyone knew for sure was that he went into the military and came out faster than he was supposed to. But everybody gave him wide berth. He was MENTAL.

I'd had a brief run-in with him a year earlier, but was bailed out of actually fighting him by Matt Luck(story to follow), who was THE scariest mofo in our school. Matt came over and got in Paul's face, and Paul backed off. I have no idea why Matt did this for me--we have a cloudy past, to say the least.

So anyway, Friday comes and we're at the party. I'm wasted. I am more wasted than I have ever been(at that point).

I remember being downstairs in the middle of all those people and I was showing Brooks that I couldn't feel my face. I hit myself in the face to demonstrate.

I came up with the brilliant plan to bet a guy $20 that he couldn't knock me out with one punch. The guy--and most of the people at the party--thought I was nuts. They tried to talk the guy out of it. The guy asked me if I was gonna punch him back.

I said no, he gets one punch and if he doesn't knock me out he gives me $20. If he does, I give him $20.

We went back and forth and finally--I can remember this perfectly--He pulled that fist WAAAAAAY back and hit me in the jaw.

Even through my stupor I felt it. It shocked my entire head. But I stayed on my feet. The guy gave me $20, and people laughed at the crazy guy(me).

Then I see Paul I. come strolling over, mister cocky. He says "How about you give me $20 bucks if I punch you?"

I said "You punch me and I'm gonna kick your ass". He punched me in the face.

I don't remember this part. Brooks later told me I dropped to one knee and was looking down, so he couldn't see my face. He thought maybe I was going to start crying.

But then I raised my head slowly and he said I was smiling. He said he was thinking "Oh shit..."

I don't remember tackling him on the coffee table. We were going at it for only a minute before we were pulled apart and people told us to take it outside.

I remember walking out of the party and waiting for him in the front yard. He came out the door and his shirt was unbuttoned. He threw it off--I'll admit that he was in much better shape than I--and said "I'm gonna beat your ass".

He came at me--I bent down and grabbed him around the legs. I lifted and SLAMMED him into the concrete steps, and then I just punched him in the face about 100 times, screaming "Beat my ass now!"

I remember that. Someone pulled me off of him after a second--so I'm sure I only hit him about 10 times, but it felt like 100. Someone took him to his car.

The next day both my eyes turned black from where he first hit me in the nose. My nose was pretty swollen. My mom wanted to know what happened and I told her I got elbowed in a basketball game. I wasn't a narc.

But my brother told her later, I found out. But that was actually the last fight I got into until late in my senior year. Most people went out of their way to NOT fight me after that. Brooks told me people started saying I was MENTAL.

Hey, I'd been called worse. But I looked like hell for a couple of weeks after that.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Bad News

I was just informed by the company that's putting the dvd together that there's no way they can include the "Making Of" I created for the dvd. It's 67 minutes long and pretty comprehensive, but given how many other extras there are and the quality of compression that LG requires of the film, it just won't fit.

They want me to cut it down to 25 minutes. Youch.

So, some lucky people I won't name could be the only people to ever see it in its full form.

Dunno. Maybe I'll put it online someday. That's a lotta bandwidth though...

Monday, November 14, 2005

Woah, two blogs in one day...

It's like, a record. Few quick things.

It's 9:51am(I haven't gone to sleep yet) and I just finished another pass on FOC2's script. And I wrote the line. It gave me chills to write it. I can see it clearly. If Frank(who may be reading this so--hey Frank) nails this line, people in the audience will cheer out loud.

Also, a character named Hot Rod may steal the whole show. He seems to have taken on a life of his own.

Just wanted to tell you that. Also:

Norman--your new music or whatever you got on your blog completely locks up my computer. Freezes it so I gotta reboot. I don't know why, 'cause I don't know how you setup the thing to play(is it an .mpeg or .wav or what?) Whatever application it's trying to make my computer launch ain't working(and I'll bet it's real player, since I've had similar problems lately)--though I can hear the music play.

Right up until I hit the reset button on my computer--CTRL-ALT-DEL doesn't even do anything.

Annapolis Film Festival

So, Friday night my wife and I went to the fest and watched the opening night movie, "Alchemy". It starred the lead actor from that television show "Ed", plus the lead girl from that television show "Scrubs". I could look their names up for you but what fun would that be?

The film was okay. A little slow--and the sound mix was all messed up--but it had some entertaining parts.

After the show we went to the party. Pretty packed, and I'm not sure why they do it but they hire a band that plays incredibly loud. So all these people who want to network and chat end up screaming to be heard over the music.

To my surprise, the festival director brought the director of "Alchemy" over to meet me, and we chatted for five or ten minutes. He got real interested when I mentioned that Lion's Gate picked up the film.

We left early--not really any need to be there.

Saturday we arrived for the showing of "FOC"--met that goofball Stewie out front and gave him one of my free tickets. When we got to the place they were showing the flick everybody was leaving--some other movie had just ended.

For five minutes there I thought no one would be at my showing. For once, I didn't really mind. Then people started showing up. All told, about forty of them came.

The flick started and I watched where the audience couldn't see me watching THEM. After a couple of minutes I went upstairs to see how many people were watching the movie that had been put in the main auditorium.

Seven. Niiiiice. But I'm glad we weren't there--my film would have blown the speakers out of the water there.

The crowd was weird. Not laughing in places that normally got a laugh, and laughing at other times I'd never heard one. Of course, there's still one line in the film that always gets the big laugh, and it didn't fail here either.

They'll probably inscribe it on my headstone.

The movie ended and I got up to answer questions. This fat New Yorker says "I got 2 questions for you: First, is the rumor true that Lion's Gate picked up your film, and question 2: How do you justify the way you cheated the audience with the fake ending and then the other ending?"

Nice, easy opening question. It was nice to be able to start: "Yes, Lion's Gate picked it up". I think I was pretty gracious with the second part of the answer.

Anyway, got a bunch more questions which I answered in a more or less intelligent fashion. A lot of the questions were easy because I've gotten them in interviews I've already done.

The fat guy turns out to be the guy who made the only other movie at the festival that I wanted to see. He wouldn't stop asking me questions and talking to me, even though other people wanted to chat and have me sign posters.

Sunday I got up early(for me) and went to see fat guy's film. He was playing at 2:30 in the big auditorium, and he was terrified no one would show. He got about 30 people in his showing, which honestly isn't bad considering football's on television and the weather was really nice.

His film was pretty interesting too, though it bogged down about an hour in.

I jetted home and got ready to go back for the awards reception. For once they had some nice food. I skipped the champagne and had a water, then took some pics as they gave the awards to movies I've never heard of, and ones you'll probably never hear of.

Someone asked me if it bothered me that I didn't win. I said I'd rather have the money than the awards.

It reminded me of a cartoon I saw shortly after Spielberg once again wasn't nominated for an Academy Award(before he won one). It had ET walking away from the Oscar statue holding two big bags of money. My feeling exactly.

But I'm serious in saying that every filmmaker who heard I had a deal with Lion's Gate was all over me. They wouldn't leave me alone, asking me questions, saying we should get together and do a project.

The New York guys want me to swing by their place if I get to New York. Interesting factoid: They know Keith David very well(he was the producer of and also narrator of their movie), and being a massive John Carpenter fan, I'd love to put him in one of my flicks. If you don't know, he's the black guy in "The Thing", the guy Rowdy Roddy Piper fights over sunglasses in "They Live" and he was one of the guys in "Prince of Darkness".

So, an interesting festival but I'm glad I'm done with them for this movie. On to the rest.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

The excuses...

Yeah, been busy attending the Annapolis Film Festival this week(end), so haven't done anything with the blog.

I'll do a blog on the fest when I get back from the "Champagne Awards Ceremony" tonight. And no, I don't expect to win anything.

But getting my ass kissed by all the filmmakers who don't have a distribution deal is kind of an award all by itself, isn't it?

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Bloggin' and Thanksgiving Surprise...

So it's tough for me to keep a blog. There's a lot of stuff that goes on in my life that I can't actually talk about. Then there's the stuff I don't wanna talk about.

Somewhere in between I gotta find the stuff that's not either of those. I figure I have so many bizarre stories in my past that it should last me a while.

About fifteen years ago(wow...cliche alert...was it really that long ago?...end cliche) I spent Thansgiving with my girlfriend(Jen) of three years. We were pretty serious. At that point my previous relationship-record was five months.

I drove to the Eastern Shore and met her at her apartment, and we met her stepfather and mom, then all drove over to Jen's grandmother's house. Her grandmother was a very, very old lady. Nice as could be, but very old, and she insisted on making everything herself.

I think you know how big a task making Thanksgiving dinner is. A lot of work. I'm not sure how she even picked up the turkey.

The atmosphere was a little weird. I didn't really know Jen's stepfather or her mother. I had probably said a total of about thirty words to either of them. I had met Jen in college, and then she moved back to the Eastern Shore but she had her own place. So no need to chat the parents up.

The dinner was surprisingly good. The turkey was moist, the gravy wasn't too bad considering it wasn't my mom's, and the potatoes were almost smooth.

Then Jen's grandma brought out some crystal glasses with Jello in them, covered with whipped cream. The kind of glass with a thin stem and a bowl-like cup.

I dunk my spoon in and take a bite. Not too bad. A couple more bites. Then I'm getting to the end. I drag my spoon along the bottom--not paying attention--and plop it in my mouth.

Instantly I know something's wrong. How? You ever put metal in your mouth when you have fillings? There's a sweet, terrible taste right away. I take moment to probe with my tongue.

Then I grab a napkin and spit it out, trying not to be too overt about it. But they all notice and ask what's wrong. My first thought is to hold the napkin out to show them, but that would be gross.

So I dip my spoon into the cup and scrape out some more jello. I show them what's in it.

Rusty nails and screws. I kid you not. It's funny now, but at the time it was pretty disgusting.

The grandmother was embarrassed. She'd had those glasses on her shelf for a while and apparently had forgotten that she'd started using them as one of those screw/nail dishes. You know, we all have a dish of odd screws and nails lying around somewhere.

And since she's old and her sight's not too good, apparently she just grabbed the glasses and dumped jello in them. And I got the lucky glass.

I laughed along with them--the whole time thinking what a crazy family they were. That was(coincidentally) the last Thanksgiving I spent with Jen.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Fight!

I used to get in fights a lot. From elementary school to high school to college. I was an angry angry guy. I'm not sure of the exact reason--okay, I'm lying. I probably do know the reason.

People love to hear about fights, so I figured every once in a while I'd regale you with tales of pummeling. Consider this Chapter 1.

First day of middle school. Middle school was this thing between elementary school and high school. Everyone was assigned a lunch period--A, B or C. So if you only had four friends it was very possible you'd be eating alone.

That was me. I went to the cafeteria, got some food on a white styrofoam plate and looked around for my friends. Nobody. So I sat at an empty table.

A couple of minutes later five guys came over. The lead guy was shorter than me by about 6 inches and he had a big nose. He says to me "Get up." I say "Huh?" He says it's his table and I can't sit there.

I tell him to fuck off. He and his crew put their plates on the table. The guy says "Meet me in the bathroom" and walks off in that direction. The bathroom and the lockerbanks were always the place fights took place.

The guy's buddies are looking at me with grins like "You're gonna get your ass whipped."

So I headed for the bathroom.

I was a little apprehensive, I'll give you that. I figured that a guy that short must have something going for him--karate? Kung Fu?--or he wouldn't be calling out guys half a foot taller than them.

The bathroom is empty other than Shorty. Then the dance began. "Start it." "No, you start it." "Go ahead and punch me." Back and forth. Everyone was under the impression that whoever threw the first punch was the one who got in trouble.

Finally, he hit me. Punched me right in the jaw. And it didn't hurt.

I punched him in his big nose. He slipped and grabbed the urinal by the metal pole on top.

I waited for a moment to see if he wanted another one, but he was busy crying and holding his nose with the other hand. So I went back to the table.

His friends saw me coming and lost their grins. I sat back down and finished my meal. A few minutes later I saw the principal helping the kid to the office.

I never saw Shorty again, though I found out like 3 years later that his brother knew my brother--guy said, "Yeah, I think your brother beat mine up."

That was one of the fights that ended the good way. Wait'll you hear the ones that didn't...

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Pissing Me Off

I could easily call my blog "Things That Piss Me Off", and probably update once every day with something new for a good year or two.

Today's culprit is probably familiar to you.

You buy a DVD. You take an hour to unwrap it and cut off those stupid plastic sticky things on the edges. You pop it into your dvd and hit play.

An FBI Warning comes up. It tells you that copying this dvd is a crime. It's the exact same warning you've seen on every goddamn dvd you've ever bought. And you can't fast forward through it. It lasts about 10 seconds. That's 10 seconds for every dvd you watch. That time adds up.

That screen fades and the same warning comes up--in Spanish. And you can't fast forward through that one either. Another 10 seconds. All I can think of is "Chupa mi coulo", which someone taught me when I used to work at Chi Chi's.

Let's figure out how much sense this FBI warning makes. First off, if I WAS gonna pirate the dvd then there is no way some stupid warning at the beginning of the dvd is going to scare me. Especially when it's worded that you "MAY be subject to fines/imprisonment". I mean, what it's really saying is that there's a chance you MAY NOT be subject to it also. They don't even have the balls to say "WILL be subject to fines/imprisonment".

So the warning isn't going to scare off dvd pirates. All it's going to do is piss off the people who are legally buying and watching them. It makes me want to pirate the movie out of spite.

What reason can they have for not letting you fast forward past these things? It boggles the mind.

Now don't get me started on the commercials you're forced to see when you've paid to go to a theater and see a movie...

Monday, October 31, 2005

Halloween 05



Remember when Halloween was this fun? I do. That's my kid. He's a ninja, but he didn't want to wear his hood. He did really enjoy his numchucks(that's nunchaka to you purists)

Below is my pumpkin. I carved it myself, but if I had any idea how much work it would end up being I would have skipped it. I think that's what being old is all about. That feeling.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

My House



This is my house.

Okay, not actually. What it really is is the house I'd like to have. The only problem is that it's in Austin Texas and I can't actually move just this minute.

It's not a big secret that I hate Maryland. The humid summers, the arctic winters. The horrible traffic, the massive taxes, the worst politician in any state(Michael Busch, who just happens to be Maryland House Speaker and has never met a tax hike he didn't approve of).

So I've been looking to move for five years. It's hard because we have a lot of family here.

I've been looking toward Texas. It's big, it's warm, and Austin has a huge film community.

It's a Republican state(don't get me wrong--I hate both major parties, but when it comes to taxes you can't beat a Republican state)

So back to the house. It's about four times the size of my current house. It has 3 more bathrooms. It has twice the land. It is only about $100,000 more than my current house.

I need more room than I have now. That house up there, were it in Maryland, would go for $800,000 - $1,000,000 easy. It's $375,000 in Austin.

But I won't realistically be able to move until I can pretty much buy that house outright--cash up front. My wife has had the same job for about twenty years here, so she has huge job stability. Our health insurance is through her job.

Anyway, if you live in Texas, drop me an email at kevink@marauderTAKEOUTproductions.com and remove the TAKEOUT from the address. I've got some questions about Texas that maybe you could help me out with.

So I figure maybe in five years I'll be out of here. I just wonder if my house will still be there.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

The transit crash update

If you didn't read Friday's post, do so now.

Anyway, the sum up--I went back and forth in emails to Marty Bass. He said the news desk would contact me about the video. That was about 7am.

They continued to run my pictures(I had sent them an additional photo) as they summed up what had happened.

I sent a final email to them saying if they wanted the video they'd have to contact me shortly 'cause I was going to bed. Most people are getting up at 7am, I'm going to bed.

They didn't call, so I went to sleep. I woke up about 2pm--my phone was beeping because they'd called a couple of times. They were in a big hurry to get the video for the noon news. Whoops.

I called them back, but they were the morning crew and were now off. They suggested I call the news desk now.

To me it seemed like more trouble than it was worth. Even if they wanted the video they wouldn't have paid more than $100 and I'd have had to run up to Baltimore with it. So...nah.

I had TIVO'd the noon news and they used my pic again. Pretty funny.

Non-busy weekend. Carved pumpkins last night and caught up on some shows--the TIVO is rapidly filling up. We watched a couple of Mythbusters and then Supernatural from last week.

I'm just wondering what Supernatural's going to do when they're run out of movies to rip off. This week was Urban Legends rip-off. Last week was The Ring--and if I'd been the director I would have been embarrassed to shoot that scene where a hair-in-front-of-the-face girl crawls out of a mirror.

What was he thinking? Oh, this is different than The Ring because she's crawling out of a mirror, not a TV!

Finished up the script to FOC2. The first half is pretty polished and now I have to do some more passes on the second half. I figure I'll have a pretty good draft in three weeks.

Then the tough work begins...

Friday, October 28, 2005

What a morning...

Okay, this is gonna be like a big FU almost--Imagine someone saying "Wow, you'll never believe what happened to me!" and you go "What?" and he goes, "Tell ya later, I gotta go."

So stop reading now if you don't want me to piss you off.

'Cause the only reason I'm putting it here is 'cause it's 6:32am and I can't tell anyone else.

Anyway...

I'm coming home from seeing a private showing of the new Zorro movie(if you liked the first one, you'll like this one--I liked both of them, but I'm a Zorro fan from the old days). It's like 3:30am and I hit B&A Blvd--and I'm not sure I've ever seen this many police lights in one place.

The road is blocked completely. I can't see why, but it's a sea of glittering red and blues.

I bolt home-grab my super nice pro digital video camera and figure I'll go shoot some footage. Yes, it's freezing and almost 4am. I am strange, to say the least.

I head to the scene. People see me and my camera. A cop comes over and asks who I'm with. I tell him I shoot freelance for WJZ13--a half truth. I mean, I WATCH WJZ13 so that's pretty much the same thing, right?

Another cop comes over. He says there are no other news guys there yet. What happened was, two pinheads in a pickup truck drove onto the light rail(a train) tracks and the maintenance train PLOWED them.

I see the truck. It's flipped. Bloody seats and the thing is DESTROYED.

This cop wants me to take some video so I can get them some stills. He says I can go ANYWHERE I want near the wreck if I do it. Suuuuuure. So I'm all over it. I'm out there for over an hour freezing my testicles off. The Shock Trauma comes to take the people away--if they live it'll be a freakin' miracle.

Here's a picture of the wreck(I've left them large so you can see them well):


So I run home and email WJZ(the news station)--they're talking about it but they have no footage. I send them a still and they email me back almost instantly. They wanna talk to me. They call me. We talk. They want info and the picture. I tell them to go ahead and use it, but if they want the video they're going to have to pay for it.

They'll get back to me. Ten minutes later my picture runs on TV. So if you were watching WJZ13 this morning and you saw that pic--that's mine. It's the picture you just looked at.

Here's another pic:


And then! Then I check my biz email and you know what? The release date is firming up for FOC and my reps tell me--and they reiterate that NO ONE CAN KNOW--the trailer for FOC is going to run on a VERY prominent DVD from LGF when it's released on DVD.

I can't say which one it is yet, but I'll give ya a hint if you promise not to tell anyone! It's a LGF movie that is opening big in theaters this weekend.

Yeah, that's a little more than a hint, huh? I just wanted to make sure you SAW it, eh? I didn't want my loyal readers all pissed, but you're sworn to secrecy!

Holy shit, am I excited. I'm just not going to sleep today.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Unknown User or Incorrect Password

You know what chaps my ass? I mean, besides the wind when my ass is wet?

Web sites that require a username and password. Well, not just that, but that's where it begins.

You see, if you're as justifiably paranoid as I am then you use multiple emails and therefore multiple usernames. Now, if you're not a total moron(see: HH) then you also use different passwords, so if any one of your passwords is ever compromised it's not a total loss.

Soooooo...when you have a ton of usernames and a ton of passwords--and you can't write them down, because that's an easy thing for other people to get to--sometimes you forget what password and username you used.

So here's the part that chaps my ass. I'll get to one of these sites, let's say, a message board. I put in the username I think I used and the password. It gives me:
Unknown User or Incorrect Password.

Hey, which one is it? At least give me that! Do you understand how many combinations I'll have to try? Every possible combo of username and password--if I knew which of the two was incorrect it's a doable thing. But without it...it's just frustrating.

That's it. No real point. I just felt the need to rant today.

Dis-missed.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Halloween, Part II

So we got a ride to "The Calvert Street Mansion". We get onto Calvert Street and it's pretty obvious there's no mansions there. It's kind of like a cleaner version of Brooklyn Park.

I get an uneasy feeling.

We walk up to the address--it's just one of the homes in a long row of homes, you know the kind you see in Baltimore. Granted, it's big--three huge stories with some old architecture, but hardly a mansion.

Two guys outside say "What's up?", so I give them the benefit of a greeting. We--it's my wife and I, in case I didn't mention it--head in. Not many people. A large empty room in front is dark and decorated with all sort of Halloween props. A television is playing the director's cut of "Blade Runner".

The next room has a few more people. A projector has been set up and is playing the new "Dawn of the Dead" on the wall. Kinda cool.

A hallway led into the kitchen where there was like five people. Kinda lame. But hey, there was beer and snacks and the people were friendly. I started drinking and figured we'd bolt after an hour.

But then people started showing up. I met a lot of people. The assistant director of "Chainsaw Sally", who says he'll be co-directing the sequel. He spilled some trash about some of the people he worked with.

A guy who's done some art for DC Comics and is now working on a book with Mark Millar, one of comics' most popular writers. He pitched me a script and I had to cut him off and walk away. That gets SOOOOO tiresome.

I really don't know how someone like Kevin Smith--who must get 1000 times the number of "Hey, I wrote a script you should look at"--I don't know how they deal with it graciously because it really is maddening.

We stayed pretty late. I had a decent buzz, but I wasn't that drunk. We got my wife's parents to pick us up--we didn't want to wait for or spring the money for a cab from Baltimore.

I'd like to say I slept like a baby, but for some reason I woke up at 6am and had to puke. Weird, 'cause I didn't drink THAT much.

Not sure if we're going to go out again this weekend, since technically it's the actual Halloween weekend.

The Glen Burnie Halloween Festival is going on Sunday--if you drive by the town center you can see the sign I shot and used in FOC. Hey--swipe it, it'll probably be worth a fortune since it's technically a prop. Course, you'll need to bring a ladder 'cause it's twenty feet up on a building.

Monday, October 24, 2005

So I went to a Halloween Party...

Dressed like this:



You can't see the details, but believe me when I say I looked like a cop. A real cop. The gun I'm holding is a replica Glock 17--identical to a Glock except the barrel is sealed and the gun ejects blanks on its own(a real gun uses the gas in the bullet to eject itself).

The badge is a very authentic badge I had made as a prop in my next flick. The vest is a loaner from a cop buddy of mine, so it's authentic.

This is my fallback costume. The one I use when I don't want to go get painted up with makeup. In the past couple of years I've been a vampire, Lobo(many times), and a clown(go figure).

So we left for the party, which was in Baltimore. We needed to stop for beer. We get to the liquor store and there's a cop parked in his car in the parking lot. So I'm thinking: Great--he's gonna see me and not recognize me, and come over to check me out.

I do what I always do when I'm doing something I shouldn't be. I act like I belong. Like I'm above questioning. I just walk into the liquor store. I grab a twelve of Coors Light long necks and head up to the register.

I say "How's it going?" to the guy behind the counter. "Not bad," he replies. "Been busy tonight?"

I realize instantly that he believes I'm a cop. He wants to know if the criminals are out in force tonight. So I reply back just as fast: "Nah, not too bad." He charges me $6.98 for the twelve pack, which I think could be too cheap but I don't say anything.

I head out to the party, which the invitation says is being held at "The Calvert County Mansion".

More to come...

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Why Is It Allowed?

Let's say I've decided that I want to create a massive database. I'm going to get as much information about every person in the country as I can and compile this database. It's going to have all sorts of stuff--social security number, place of employment, where you live, what credit cards you own and how much you owe on each, what court cases are pending against you...

I think most people would agree that this should be illegal. Especially if I also add that I'm going to let other people check out my database by paying a fee.

Yet it's now the norm, via the credit bureaus. And somehow this massive invasion of privacy is legal.

Have you checked your credit report lately? Something that always cracks me up is my "aliases". Sure, I've used MANY aliases. And some of those show up on the credit report. Some don't.

But the neat part is seeing aliases I've never used. Where are they coming from?

The whole credit bureau thing really chaps my ass though. How did these people get the power to collect all of this info? Why didn't the government step in and say: "You know what--no independent business should be allowed to collect this kind of personal information, and especially shouldn't be able to provide it to other people for a fee."

So when people ask why I'm so paranoid, and why all the information I fill out on everything(including my driver's license) is fake--that's one of the reasons. No telling what's gonna end up on my credit report, and no telling who can access that.

I sleep better at night knowing that anyone trying to hunt me down isn't going to get the correct address from my credit report. Call me paranoid. I don't care. I'm looking at your credit report as we speak...

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

October Darkness

There's something that happens in October as the leaves turn brown and the air becomes crisp. I don't know the actual explanation for it, but I know it's true.

The nights are darker. If you walk outside at night in October it's almost like all of the streetlights have been dimmed. The moon can be full and bright, yet its light doesn't seem to cast a glow on anything.

Everything seems more sinister in October darkness. I love it. It lets me know Halloween is coming.

You might have guessed. Halloween is Christmas for me. I've always loved it. Hell, it was a twofer back in my hoodlum days. Mischief Night, then you get rewarded with all the candy you could eat the next night.

Of course everything changes as you get older. It's not as much fun. It's harder to hide as an adult when you're egging your neighbor's house. Still possible, mind you, but harder.

If you're over 30 but under 40 go to eBay and search for "Ben Cooper costume"--I'll bet you owned one of those, didn't you? That's the guy(his company) that made ALL those nifty costumes we all wore with the plastic masks.

Want some more Halloween fun? This was an offshoot of a site I threw together for my comic store many years ago--some links may not work anymore, but it's got some cool stories.

Halloween Site

I'll leave you with this quote from what's gotta be one of the tougher guys to ever live. This is what he said to the hangman as he was standing at the gallows waiting to be hanged:
"Hurry it up, you Hoosier bastard. I could hang a dozen men while you're fooling around."

You can find out who it is at the web site. Happy Halloween!

Saturday, October 15, 2005

The Army of AR

No, not Alien Redrum. I'm talking Arrested Development.

This show is so goddamn funny that were I a much better writer than I am, I still would not be able to communicate it.

Think of the funniest television show you ever saw. Got it? Arrested Development is at least ten times funnier.

And you're not watching it, are you?

It can't be that you laugh enough in your life. There's always room in life for more laughter(we'll make an exception for the bedroom). So there has to be some other reason you're not watching AR.

It's on opposite some other show you watch? Well, AR is 100 times better than that show. Trust me, I've seen the show's competition.

Here's what you should do: Run out immediately and buy season 1 and 2 of AR. Watch. As an alternate, if you have bit torrent software and a lot of time, download the first two seasons(this is actually what I did).

You will thank me. I'm not kidding.

Let's do more of that thinking: I want you to think of your favorite food. Got it? Now imagine if you had never tasted that food. For some reason or other, you have never even tried a bite of it.

And here I am attempting to get you to try that food. Knowing--with absolute conviction--that you are gonna love it if only I can get you to try it.

The reason for this plea is that this could be the last season of AR unless they get some more viewers. It's a miracle that it's lasted 3 seasons given how low the ratings are, but it's received so many critical raves and been nominated for buckets of Emmys.

So I'm drafting you into the army of AR. Snap to it, soldier.

Monday, October 10, 2005

KMFDM Returns

I've been a major fan of KMFDM for years. I even saw them in concert at the new 9:30 Club about five years ago. You probably haven't heard of them, unless you remember their name mentioned as one of the groups those Columbine kids listened to before they went postal.

Their music is hateful and angry, and in my college years that's exactly what I was so it was a perfect fit.

Now I'm not quite so hateful and angry--too old to muster up the enthusiasm for it--but I still dig a massive bass guitar and pounding drums.

The last couple of KMFDM albums were let downs. A good song here and there, but the albums weren't great.

But last week they released their new album--Hau Ruck. And it effin' rocks. Sure, some of the songs aren't even in English(they're a German band), and sure the guy's voice is nothing to write home about. But damn does this album rock.

If you like Rammstein, then KMFDM will floor you. I present now probably the best song from the new album, Mini Mini Mini--though "Professional Killer" is so cool I'm going to attempt to license it if I ever do HH2.

The whole album's great--only 2 songs I'm not a fan of. If you like this, you might want to go buy the album. That's right, I said BUY--not download. It's in mp3 format.

Mini Mini Mini

Sunday, October 09, 2005

So I ran over a Mexican...

Everyone loves this story, so I'm gonna go ahead and blog it. Let's say it happened just a little over seven years ago.

I pulled up at a red light, wanting to turn right. I looked left and saw traffic just beginning to come my way, so I pulled out quickly. WHUMP. I hit the brakes. All I could see sticking up at the front of my car was a Mexican's head--the rest of him was under my car.

I jumped out--"You okay?" I asked. He looked pissed more than anything. He yanked his bike from under my car--I was thinking--"Jesus, there's a bike under there too?"

He wobbled it over to the sidewalk--the bike was mangled, the front wheel no longer anything resembling a circle. He started talking in fast Spanish. I took tres anos of Spanish and still couldn't catch anything except rojo--he was pointing at the light. Telling me I had a red light, so I shouldn't have gone.

I tried telling him "Right turn on red is okay". He didn't understand.

People are now behind my car honking at me to move my car. I'm pointing at the Mexican like that explains it. My cel phone rings.

It's my brother. He says "Hey, did you hit somebody with your car or something?" I look around, thinking this must be some candid camera thing or something. Maybe Scare Tactics. I ask him how he knows that. He said his wife was just driving by and saw me.

I tell him I'm in the middle of dealing with it right then and I'd call him back.

So the guy's wearing a Burger King uniform. I ask him if he wants to put the bike in the back of my car and I'll take him to work. He doesn't understand. Now he's hitting his leg like it won't work and I'm thinking: "No way am I getting sued for this."

I hustle to my car--got three cars behind me honking for me to move. I give them the finger. To hold a second. What are you thinking?

I grab a pen and a scrap paper that has nothing on the back that can identify me. I write "Mike" and then make up a phone number. I grab $20 out of my wallet and run back to the Mexican.

Holding the money out, I point to his bike. "Use this to get that fixed." I hand him the piece of paper with the phone number on it. "If that's not enough, call me". I put my pinky and thumb to the side of my head like a phone. "Call me."

He wants my pen. Uh uh, Pepe. Not gonna write down my license plate. "I gotta go," I tell him. I point at the cars, and they honk obligingly. One last "Call me" and I'm in my car.

Outta there. I almost feel bad, but then I remember that I've only ever been in two car accidents--neither my fault, and both were Mexicans. Rear-ended by one, and backed into by another.

It's like...racial karma!

Monday, October 03, 2005

For those interested...

You can find the first 17 pages of FOC2 on the M message board. It will only be up for about a week.

I don't include a link on purpose...

Saturday, October 01, 2005

A question thingee

Saw this on that Norman(it's a girl--weird, eh?), and I'm always up for a round of question and answer.

I am not: a pariah. I mean, I could have said "A banana". What kind of ridiculous question is that? It's got, like, 92,000 answers.
I love: Sbarro's pizza, reheated
I fear: old age
I hope: to die before I get there
I hear: what? Huh? I hear noises.
I crave: the Bahamas
I regret: not sleeping with Anne Marie when I had the chance. Long story.
I cry: rarely
I care: Put "Like" before that question and you're on the right track.
I always: get a slurpee on the way home. EVERY DAY.
I believe: religion is a crutch for the weak. I smell an upcoming blog!
I feel alone: Is there a question there?
I listen: to non-stop 80's--Sirius and XM--gotta love those channels!
I hide: my incredible disgust
I drive: a chevy cavalier. Who needs a sweet car when you're married?
I sing: in my mind
I dance: the funky chicken
I write: You know what I write.
I play: Xbox Live. Like, three or four hours a day.
I miss: my youth
I search: for a reason to not kill people
I learn: there is no reason
I feel: tired
I know: I should spend more time writing and less time on Xbox
I saw: dead people. Okay, I'm drawing a blank here.
I succeed: sooner or later.
I dream: of going back to the Bahamas
I wonder: if this country's ever gonna get any smarter
I want: to go back to the Bahamas--duh!
i have: not enough time in the day
i give: up--okay, not quite yet
i fight: Hey, the first rule of fight club...
i need: a bigger house

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Saw Serenity on Tuesday night...

Good movie. If you like the television show you'll like(and hate) the film.

I can't tell you why you'll hate it because that would be spoiling it.

If you've never seen the television show I have no idea what you'll think. After the flick I tried to figure out how accessible it is to those who never saw the show and I drew a blank.

I'll wait and see what my brother thinks of it. He never saw the show. My father liked it, and he's only seen a couple episodes of the show. Now he's going to go watch all of them though.

If you haven't watched the show, hop on over to amazon and buy it. A tremendous first season of television.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Just because your parents say so...

I've always been a bit of a rebel. I was always the guy who went against the grain, sometimes for no other reason than because it WAS against the grain. I don't know why.

I've always questioned what people tell me. Until I find something out for myself I will not take someone's word on pretty much anything.

I think everyone should be like this. But it's not so.

Now that I'm a parent(holy shit, did I just write that?) I have to decide things for my kid and inevitably my first choice is always what my parents taught me.

And hey, when you're a kid you don't realize that your parents could actually be(gasp) wrong. You just take everything they say as gospel. You know, violence in a movie is okay but nudity's not. Eating liver is good for you so eat it or you won't get anything else. You have to go to bed at 9:00pm whether you're tired or not.

But I've decided to question everything I teach my kid. My wife got a little pissed when--as I was perusing the Playboy and the kid came over to check it out--that I didn't jerk it away from him and hide his eyes.

Hey, it's the female body. If I try to hide it from him and make it a big deal, it will turn out to be a big deal to him later. That's how you create obsession. Trust me, 'cause they hid the boobies from me and now I'm positively crazy for them.

I don't tell him what time to go to bed, though I understand that eventually you have to set up some sort of sleep structure for them. I just don't think I'm going to go bananas if bed time is 9 and he's still watching TV at 9:05

Hold tight, we're gonna make a very stilted transition here...

But overall I think people really need to start questioning their beliefs that were passed on to them from their parents, unquestioned as fact.

Because there's a lot of people in this country who are Republican or Democrat, simply because their parents were--and that's how they vote. Regardless. They don't even look into what the candidates views are--they just look for the (R) or the (D) next to the name and check it off.

All because their parents told them either "Republicans wanna take away your rights" or "Democrats tax the hell out of ya". Neither is untrue, but there are all shades of (R)s and (D)s.

I don't wanna go all X-files on ya or anything but...QUESTION EVERYTHING.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

The Horror Channel Thread...

So there's this argument going over on the Horror Channel message board. The thread started off with someone asking "Any actual filmmakers here?"

I didn't chime in right away, 'cause you always gotta think--why bother? But since I figured I could probably move a few dvds, I eventually posted.

Three pages of question and answer ensued, and then...

Some pinhead posts this:
My point was that shooting on a $10 million film, while you may think nothing much is going on, people are actually committed to creating something significant whereas most people shooting on video just settle for making junk to sell to Blockbuster. I know that last comment will probably offend people here but I've spent the last year surrounded by amazing artists making intelligent and entertaining work only to fall into obscurity while any low-denominator trash gets distribution without question. Video filmmaking can be the most artistically free and original in the world yet nobody actually attempts anything of significance; it's nothing but dull horror rip-offs whose filmmakers think fulfilling a body-count is some sort of success.


And then, when I bristled at that comment a couple of people tried to chime in and say "Hey, don't be offended." Seriously, am I missing something? Didn't that guy just say that NOBODY(which would include me) who does video filmmaking attempts anything of significance--they just make dull horror rip-offs?

Check for yourself. Maybe I've gone senile in my old age. This is page 3 of the convo, but the beginning of the pinhead's convo.


http://horrorchannel.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=10362&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=75

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Weird...

So I found out something weird last week.

HH is no longer featured on the MTI Home Video web site. I thought that was odd, so I emailed the VP of acquisitions, who I've talked to in the past. His name's Jay, and he's an extremely nice and helpful guy.

I asked him why HH wasn't on the site anymore. He told me that MTI is no longer distributing HH--they only had the rights for two years.

Typically a film is picked up for between 12 and 15 years(or 7, in some foreign cases). To take a two year deal seems very strange.

So now the rights go back to the company we licensed the movie to(who, in turn, licensed it to MTI).

I don't know what that means. It doesn't seem likely that someone else will distribute it in the US with MTI having already done so.

Oh, and Jay told me one other thing. I asked how the film did for them. He said very well--it moved 37,000 units. That's a huge number for a no-name little flick. I had jammed some numbers and guessed that they sold around 16,000. I was a little off.

Jay wouldn't give me dollars, but it's likely that that's at least $700,000 worth of sales.

Makes me cringe when I think about how much we licensed it for...

Monday, September 12, 2005

For the record...

I'd like to say, regarding the previous blog, that you all are some boring mutherfuckers.

Harsh, I know.

But only 1 reply with a story? Come on, you could post it on your blog and link to it in the comments.

Unless maybe you're lives really are that boring. If so, I apologize for reminding you of that fact.

Bastards.

This rant is not triggered whatsoever by the fact that I lost in fantasy football this week. Not one little bit.

Monday, September 05, 2005

I Want Something From You

One of the few rewards that comes while you're writing something is when a character surprises you. Maybe he does something you hadn't planned. Maybe he says something you hadn't thought about, at least not consciously.

That's a great thing. A while back I was writing the script for the sequel to HH. It's done now and you'll never read it(nah nah), but Aric started talking about how strange life can be and how every person has at least one story of something that happened to them that would astound you.

It was a weird thought because it wasn't something I had been thinking about. And I had to stop and think--Is it true? Is he right? Do I have a story like that?

I do. Took me some time to think about, but I've actually got a couple. And I bet you do too. So I want you to post your story--something that either happened to you or impacted you(so that you're a principle player) that would surprise people. Has to be a true story.

Here's one of mine. It's not the most astounding story. It's the best one that wouldn't be, in essence, me confessing to a crime in a public forum.

My brother was run over by a motorboat. I was twelve and he was thirteen.

He went out on a motorboat with my best friend at the time, Brooks, and two girls. They took the boat out on the pond. They put the motor on idle and Paul dove in for a swim.

Apparently one of the girls wanted to drive the boat--she grabbed the handle--I guess she didn't know how to drive a boat--she only succeeded in rotating the boat without going anywhere.

Right over my brother. Brooks said he heard the hit, heard the blades hit something, get caught up and then the motor died. I guess he knew before he looked what he'd find.

My brother was tangled in the motor's blades. His shirt was ripped to shreds but had tangled enough in the blades to stop them. Brooks couldn't see my brother. He was under water.

He leaped into the water--the girls said it was like he was superhuman or something. He pulled Paul off of the motor and threw him into the boat, even though they were in water over ten feet deep. One of the girls started screaming because there was so much blood coming from my brother's head.

I wasn't there. I was two doors up from my house talking to a neighbor when my mother came running up to me. "Your brother's been run over by a boat! I have to go to the hospital. Go watch Michael for me."

My first thought was "Cool. I wonder if he lost an arm or something." That's the kind of weird kid I was. There was no concern there. I was a very cold kid.

In the end he almost lost an ear--he had to get something like 44 stitches in his head and he had major burns from the motor's heat on his head and shoulder. He was incredibly lucky.

Anyway, that's one of my stories. What do you got?

Friday, September 02, 2005

Have you seen this map?

Now this is funny. Scroll down a little to the map.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/trollprincess/817403.html

La Paura Di Pagliacci

We just got a great offer from an Italian production company for FOC. The offer was five times what we got for the Italian rights to HH. My producer's rep made a counteroffer, which they approved so we're getting six times what we got for HH.

We get 30% at signing and the rest by February of next year.

Sweet! This also bodes well for FOC2--we can presell rights and get money up front. Apparently clowns are big in Italy.

I dunno. I just love their Italian Ice.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Why LG?

While I'm still waiting to hear the big YES from LG I figured I'd mention why I chose them. You see, we also had an offer from Sony.

I was told by my Producer's Rep that Sony typically sells more units. This is the list of "Top Specialized Renters" from Video Business Weekly:

Title(Label/Distributions) Revenue($ in Millions)
1. 7 Seconds(Sony) $0.51
2. Redneck Comedy Roundoup(LG) $0.47
3. Urban Legends: Bloody Mary(Sony) $0.42
4. Blast(First Look) $0.38
5. Vampire Assassins(LG) $0.26
6. Elvis Has Left The Building(LG) $0.25
7. Zodiac Killer(LG) $0.24
8. Tarzan II(BV) $0.23

I've watched the list for a couple of months, and sure enough, Sony does often have the top spot.

But LG pretty much specializes in horror. They are THE horror distributor in the US. So that's a family I want to join. If FOC does well there and I let them pick up the sequel(and THAT does well), then I'm hoping I can maybe pitch a film to them that they'll fund for something more than the peanuts I've been working with.

So that's my rationale. We'll see how it works out.

And, oh yeah, I want to see FOC on that list.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Psychic Vampire Follow-Up

So I sent an email back to the group(and the original emailer) saying:

"Seriously...didn't anyone else find this HYSTERICAL? Based on a true story...about a psychic vampire.

O...kay..."

And the guy shot back:

"Because of the juvenile, unprofessional response to my post re: a true story about psychic vampires, I have no intentions of posting anything else about the film. In fact, I'll be leaving this stagnant group; there's just talk going on, no action. I suppose if people like you were actually making films, they wouldn't have time to criticize me.

This world has many mysteries, and unanswered questions. Unfortunately, none of you seem to have the mental capacity to see that. I'm sure you all will go quite far, with your ignorant way of thinking. So go ahead, laugh some more about how ridiculous the story sounds. You all sound pretty ridiculous yourselves, calling yourselves a group,and alienating people.

Ocean"

In other words: My skin is so thin that I can't take any ridicule at all. I'm going to take my toys into the other sandbox because you can't play nice. Boo hoo.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Horrorfind has to wait...

I'll post about it shortly, but this was in my mailbox and I just had to put this out there.

And this guy is totally serious:

"
I AM SEEKING PRODUCERS AND DIRECTORS FOR A PSYCHIC VAMPIRE SCRIPT,
BASED ON A TRUE STORY. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, PLEASE CONTACT ME AT
marshallewis@lycos.com.

Thanks!
"

Based on a true story. A psychic vampire script. Man, how did the news miss that?

And I left his email address up there because I think he should be open to ridicule. Have at it.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

250 Miles Per Gallon?

Are you kidding me? This was too interesting to not link to:

http://www.cnn.com/2005/TECH/08/15/hybrid.tinkerers.ap/index.html

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Writers' Bad Shortcuts

I read a lot. I mean, a lot. I'm typically reading four or five books at one time(I mean, not at the same same time...

There's something a lot of writers do, even the good ones, that I consider bad. Stephen King is exceptionally guilty of this.

It's telegraphing a character's demise. I'm not talking foreshadowing. I'm talking this sort of thing.


Ryan smiled at her and laughed, then walked off down the street without a care in the world.

Not knowing that he'd be dead before the sun went down.


I've written tons of fiction too. Between age 12 and 17 it was all I wrote. Tons of short stories, and even a book about a detective. A very bad book about a detective.

So I know the temptation of this. It's so easy, and it immediately pulls at the viewer's attention. It compels them to read the next couple of pages to find out how the person dies.

But it's too easy.

In movie terms, I'd consider it the same as having the bad guy jump out of the dark at the heroine of a film(with a giant DUH-DUH from the orchestra). This is so easy to do that even George Lucas could do it if he tried--though he'd be too busy adding pretty backgrounds to ever think about what the actors should be doing.

Hitchcock used to talk about this sort of thing. He said it was suspense versus shock. He set it up thus: You've got a situation where a woman calls a man and says "My husband's not home, come right over." Cut to: The man comes over, grabs the woman and begins making out with her--WHAM, the husband jumps out of the closet yelling GOTCHA!

Versus the woman calls the man and says "My husband's not home, come right over". Cut to the husband realizing he's left something at home and turning the car around. Cut to the man getting to the house and kissing the wife, taking her to the bedroom. Cut to the husband pulling up at home and letting himself in. Back to: The man and the woman laying on the bed, unaware the husband is downstairs. Back to: The husband hears something upstairs, and heads up that way. Etc.

The first is very easy to do, but the shock doesn't last. The suspense of the second continues, getting the audience more and more concerned--Will he discover his wife's affair, and what will he do?

But back at fiction...why tell the audience what's going to happen ahead of time? You do heighten the tension, but you completely take away the suspense of the character. He's going to die. You just told me.

I dunno. I think it's a lazy shortcut that shouldn't be used. How 'bout you?

Monday, August 08, 2005

Honorable Mention

for The Karate Kid.

It's another one I saw at a buddy's house that I had no interest in seeing--I was into the kung-fu and all, but I wanted to see badass Asian dudes like Bruce Lee.

So I was pleasantly surprised to find out it was a really good movie with a memorable soundtrack(Cruel Summer, anyone?).

And Elizabeth Shue...it's not that she was hot, but she was very cute. And attainable. That was almost as important as being cute.

She had a friendly personality, and I knew if she was interested in that Daniel loser, she could be interested in me.

So this flick gets the honorable mention.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The Best Summer Movies

A note of explanation. These are the movies I consider the best summer movies BUT... there are cases where I actually like a lower-ranked movie more. For instance, on my list below I like #2 better than the #1 movie, but I consider the #1 a better summer movie(and I saw all of the below during a summer in my life).

Part of my rankings are simply based on how much I enjoy the memory of seeing it. Like, what was going on in my life at the time. I've also provided short explanations.

Now, on your blog, go post your best summer movies. That's the rule. If you read this, you HAVE to do it. It's, like, a law.

1. Lost Boys - I saw this for the first time with my brother and his girlfriend, and the girl I had just lost my virginity to like a week earlier.

2. Aliens - I saw this in Florida when we were at my grandparents' over the summer. We had to walk down the train tracks and over a tressle(sp?) to get to the theater. I still remember how tense I was during the film. I was sweating by the end of the movie. This is actually probably my all time favorite movie.

3. Back To The Future - Another one we saw in Florida one summer--saw the commercials, thought it might be okay 'cause hey, it had Michael J. Fox in it--and was blown away after seeing it. One of those rare instances where we immediately wanted to see it again.

4. Superman II - Still my favorite all-time superhero flick. I saw this at the Harundale theater that's now a church--another reason to hate the church. There may be no more powerful movie moment from my childhood than when the three super baddies are tearing up the Daily Planet and all of a sudden people are looking up, newspapers are flying from the wind force, and that John Williams music is starting. Capped by the incredible line: "Come to me, son of Jor-El. KNEEL before Zod." Coincidentally, I use that line sexually all the time.

5. Friday the 13th Part 1 - We still weren't allowed to watch R movies, but our parents were out. The sun was just going down and HBO(the only other cable channel at the time was Showtime) had just done a "Coming up next" that showed it was coming on. We had time to run and get some ice cream from the ice cream man and then we were back in time to watch it. It scared the shit out of us.

6. Alien - A bunch of us kids had gotten together at a buddy's house to watch this-we were gonna spend the night at his house out in the tent on "the point", a wooded area right on the water. We went inside, watched this flick, and then were too scared afterward to sleep in the tent. We all crammed into his bedroom.

7. Nightmare on Elm Street - A buddy of mine had rented this so I went over and watched it. After it was over I had to walk home by myself, so I walked in the middle of the road just in case Freddy came at me I'd have time to see him.

8. Escape From New York - My brother and I wanted to see this very badly, but it was rated R. So after my parents went to sleep we snuck downstairs to watch it with the volume on low(we sat about two feet away from the TV so we could hear it).

9. Return of the Jedi - This is on the list, as opposed to the others, because I don't really remember seeing those for the first time. For this one, my mom took my brother and I, plus a friend, to the mall to see it. The first showing was sold out, so we waited forever for the showing afterward--there was a line of like 300 people. We loved it.

10. Jason and the Argonauts - Saw this at a drive-in theater. I can, to this day, remember the awe I had as a child when the giant statue of Talos turned and looked down at the Argonauts who were stealing its treasure. I thought it was just about the scariest thing I had ever seen, but I hoped Hercules could take him out.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Coulda used that

Roadrage cards. Thought up a new one as some women pulled out in front of me on the highway even though the road behind me was empty.

I thought, "Just because you're handicapped doesn't mean you have to drive like it."

Yes, she had handicapped tags. I think I'm gonna miss out on that humanitarian award.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Ideas(and no, not where they come from)

It was like five years ago. I'm trucking down the road, exceeding the speed limit, and this bitch pulls out quickly in front of me, then proceeds to go below the speed limit.

I thought, "You effin c**t, you were in such a hurry to get in front of me just so you could drive 30 in a 35 zone".

Then I thought, hey--maybe she's retarded. I wish I had a sign that said "It's the big pedal on the right". Which led me to think what a cool invention it would be to have these big flash cards with funny sayings. You know, like "It's not called the passing lane because we're all passing you."

And they'd be printed in reverse on the back side so you could hold it up to the guy eyeing you in his rearview mirror and he'd be able to read it perfectly.

But of course I never did anything about it. Only mentioned it to a few people when the notion hit me, or some prick pissed me off while driving.

Yesterday I stumbled on this: Roadrage.com

Yep, my exact idea. I'm not too pissed about it. I know that I never would have done anything about the idea. Somebody might as well make money on it.

But scripts! Those, I get pissed about. It's happened many a time. I'll start writing a script and then when I'm about halfway through I'll read a trade where a script was just bought, and the logline sounds just like mine.

It's a bitch. It doesn't always stop me because--face it--it's not the idea so much as the execution. Heck, I heard about "American Psycho" about a year after we filmed HH, but before we'd finished editing it.

I was a little panicked, so I went out and read the book. Nothing like my flick. Went and saw the movie--really, the only similarity is that they're both office workers by trade, serial killers in their off hours.

But there are times you'd swear someone stole the idea. Which is clearly impossible when I've never told a soul, and haven't even finished the script.

But it's frustrating, especially when the idea's a doozy. One of those hazards of the trade, I guess.